I know. I haven't posted in a long time. But then again, no one seemed too interested in what I had to say, so I didn't make it a priority.
So, where did I leave off? Jeff?
OK, fine. He called a few days after the break up. "Let's get together... A friend is performing in a concert..." blah blah blah. I said that I wasn't comfortable hanging out and then proceeded to try for TEN MINUTES to get off the phone. All the while I was with friends who were sending me dirty looks. After I hung up and ignored two MORE calls from him in the next few moments, I agreed to meet with him later in the week to discuss my feelings and reasons behind them. I have never so badly wanted to tell ANYONE to just blow off and deal with it. Oh well. We met. We talked.
He is an idiot. I know, I could get sued for libel here. But I don't really care.
He kept saying that I wasn't "comfortable hanging out for no good reason". Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I had been civil and relaxed the whole time. EVERYONE I know would have been proud. But I cannot tolerate anyone making me or my opinions seem stupid because they don't understand. So I said "I don't like how I feel when you're around. How's THAT for a good reason?"
The conversation did not end for twenty more minutes during which he said I would be "missing out" if we didn't still decide to be friends and how I needed to hang out with all different types of people.
"You need all different kinds of friends."
I replied, "I HAVE all different types of friends."
"Well," he said, "So do I. Black, Hispanic, gay, whatever."
OH MY GOD! This is how he defines his friends. See, me friends are funny, smart, dorky, talented, musical, bookish... THEY HAVE PERSONALITY TRAITS!
Eventually I realized that the only way to get him to leave me alone was to, for lack of a better term, piss him off. So I did. He said that he realized that he couldn't change my mind or how I felt. This, I am sure, was meant to illicit a response of
"Of course you do. You're a great guy. It's me. Give me time, I'll come around." or something to that effect. But instead, I said "No. No you can't"
At that he said something like be that way, or fine... I wasn't really listening anymore, and then he turned and stormed off in a flourish of passive aggression. My, my, my, how did I let that one get away?
Anyway, it's been weeks and I have still yet to hear my phone tell me not to answer it because Jeff is calling. Ahhh. At last, peace.
17 December, 2007
25 October, 2007
Got a cold?
Try this one:
Cold be gone Lemon-Aide
1 cup water
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tbsp honey
In a small saucepan, combine water and juice. Bring mixture to a simmer, stir in honey. Add more honey or lemon to your taste. If you're REALLY sick, through in some homopathic remedies or dissolve a Vitamin C pill. To do this, you may need a little more water.
Cold be gone Lemon-Aide
1 cup water
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tbsp honey
In a small saucepan, combine water and juice. Bring mixture to a simmer, stir in honey. Add more honey or lemon to your taste. If you're REALLY sick, through in some homopathic remedies or dissolve a Vitamin C pill. To do this, you may need a little more water.
NEW RECIPE!
Just in time for Halloween!
This one, I bring to you DIRECT from the food network.
Carmelized Pumpkin Seeds
1/2 cup butterscotch caramel sauce
1 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon extract
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
3 cups pumpkin seeds, roasted
1 cup almonds, crushed
Lightly coat baking sheet with cooking spray and set aside.
In a large skillet, slowly melt the caramel sauce and sugar. When melted stir in cinnamon extract and cayenne. Continue cooking until mixture reaches a temperature of 310 degrees F. Stir in pumpkin seeds until completely coated. Spread caramelized seeds onto the baking sheet and sprinkle with crushed almonds. Separate seeds with wooden spoon until cooled.
You can purchase Pumpkin Seeds already roasted. If you are using seeds from a fresh pumpkin, clean and rinse them, then place them on a cooking sheet and spray with cooking spray. Roast for 1 hour at 250 degrees. Stir them every 15 minutes. The actual seed is inside the hull. The hull is edible.
This one, I bring to you DIRECT from the food network.
Carmelized Pumpkin Seeds
1/2 cup butterscotch caramel sauce
1 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon extract
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
3 cups pumpkin seeds, roasted
1 cup almonds, crushed
Lightly coat baking sheet with cooking spray and set aside.
In a large skillet, slowly melt the caramel sauce and sugar. When melted stir in cinnamon extract and cayenne. Continue cooking until mixture reaches a temperature of 310 degrees F. Stir in pumpkin seeds until completely coated. Spread caramelized seeds onto the baking sheet and sprinkle with crushed almonds. Separate seeds with wooden spoon until cooled.
You can purchase Pumpkin Seeds already roasted. If you are using seeds from a fresh pumpkin, clean and rinse them, then place them on a cooking sheet and spray with cooking spray. Roast for 1 hour at 250 degrees. Stir them every 15 minutes. The actual seed is inside the hull. The hull is edible.
S'been a while
Sorry that I haven't posted recently... Ooops.
Well. I am over it. Jeff and I are done. I broke up with him this afternoon.
I've realized that I was never really interested in him. I am almost embarrassed that I made such a big deal about it in the first place. But, I'm actually glad for it all. I've learned a lot about myself in the past few weeks.
I think that really, I was so happy to see that there was someone who liked me and wanted to be with me. I know it sounds desperate and lame, but that's the way it is.
It wasn't until a few days ago that I started to see things about his personality that really bug me. He's just a little too mean sometimes. He's a little snobby and he isn't very confident. A lot of times I feel that he talking so the people around him will think he's smart. I used to do it too. Sometimes I still do. April mentioned that maybe it's because I am trying to change myself that I am so hyper-sensitive to it. It doesn't matter.
It came down to the facts. Physically, he's okay; intellectually, yeah he's smart but he's also pretentious and snobby; emotionally, I am getting nothing and I have NO interest in sleeping with him. Now, that last thing, I wasn't even THINKING about doing anytime soon, but still. If there is nothing there, there's no point in pursuing it. At all.
Looking back on it, there is a common denominator for ALL the relationships from which I walked away. I have some thinking to do about what I want. I suppose that being this age, having these troubles, is fine.
And I'm fine. Really. Today at work was the first when I didn't have to think about it. Last night, before our date (WHICH WAS TERRIBLE!) I was dreading it. I so desperately wanted to call and cancel, but I knew he wanted to talk to me, so we went out. It was simply bad. Strained, mean and cold. And the food wasn't too good either. Oh well.
Now you know. Let's move on.
Well. I am over it. Jeff and I are done. I broke up with him this afternoon.
I've realized that I was never really interested in him. I am almost embarrassed that I made such a big deal about it in the first place. But, I'm actually glad for it all. I've learned a lot about myself in the past few weeks.
I think that really, I was so happy to see that there was someone who liked me and wanted to be with me. I know it sounds desperate and lame, but that's the way it is.
It wasn't until a few days ago that I started to see things about his personality that really bug me. He's just a little too mean sometimes. He's a little snobby and he isn't very confident. A lot of times I feel that he talking so the people around him will think he's smart. I used to do it too. Sometimes I still do. April mentioned that maybe it's because I am trying to change myself that I am so hyper-sensitive to it. It doesn't matter.
It came down to the facts. Physically, he's okay; intellectually, yeah he's smart but he's also pretentious and snobby; emotionally, I am getting nothing and I have NO interest in sleeping with him. Now, that last thing, I wasn't even THINKING about doing anytime soon, but still. If there is nothing there, there's no point in pursuing it. At all.
Looking back on it, there is a common denominator for ALL the relationships from which I walked away. I have some thinking to do about what I want. I suppose that being this age, having these troubles, is fine.
And I'm fine. Really. Today at work was the first when I didn't have to think about it. Last night, before our date (WHICH WAS TERRIBLE!) I was dreading it. I so desperately wanted to call and cancel, but I knew he wanted to talk to me, so we went out. It was simply bad. Strained, mean and cold. And the food wasn't too good either. Oh well.
Now you know. Let's move on.
13 October, 2007
Another recipe installment
Arugula Salad
You need:
2 - 3 cups arugula, rinsed and drained
4 oz creamy goat cheese
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups fine bread crumbs
1 tbsp EACH
Parsley
Sage
Rosemary
Thyme (yeah, like the Simon and Garfunkel song)
Olive Oil
1. Separate goat cheese into 4 one ounce sections. With hands, shape cheese into medallions, approximately 1/2" - 3/4" thick. Set aside in fridge.
2. In small bowl, beat eggs.
3. In a seperate bowl, combine bread crumbs and herbs.
4. After 5 - 10 minutes remove cheese from fridge.
5. Heat up a small sauce pan or deep fry pan.
6. ONCE PAN IS HEATED, add olive oil. The oil should be about 1" thick. WATCH the oil carefully, do not let it get too hot.
7. Coat each medallion in egg and then transfer to bread crumb mixture. MAKE SURE that the cheese is completly coated. I like to double coat with egg and bread crumbs.
8. Carefully place cheese in oil and allow each side to cook for 1 - 1 1/2 minutes. Be careful when you flip them, they might break.
9. Arrange arugula on salad plates. Each plate should have about 1/2 cup on it.
10. Transfer cheese to a paper towel to absorb the excess oil and then place on arugula.
ENJOY WARM!
I got this recipe from somewhere on the food network. I think it's Jim Croce's wife who started it. I changed it a little, she says to submerge the cheese in oil but frankly, I think that's excessive.
You need:
2 - 3 cups arugula, rinsed and drained
4 oz creamy goat cheese
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups fine bread crumbs
1 tbsp EACH
Parsley
Sage
Rosemary
Thyme (yeah, like the Simon and Garfunkel song)
Olive Oil
1. Separate goat cheese into 4 one ounce sections. With hands, shape cheese into medallions, approximately 1/2" - 3/4" thick. Set aside in fridge.
2. In small bowl, beat eggs.
3. In a seperate bowl, combine bread crumbs and herbs.
4. After 5 - 10 minutes remove cheese from fridge.
5. Heat up a small sauce pan or deep fry pan.
6. ONCE PAN IS HEATED, add olive oil. The oil should be about 1" thick. WATCH the oil carefully, do not let it get too hot.
7. Coat each medallion in egg and then transfer to bread crumb mixture. MAKE SURE that the cheese is completly coated. I like to double coat with egg and bread crumbs.
8. Carefully place cheese in oil and allow each side to cook for 1 - 1 1/2 minutes. Be careful when you flip them, they might break.
9. Arrange arugula on salad plates. Each plate should have about 1/2 cup on it.
10. Transfer cheese to a paper towel to absorb the excess oil and then place on arugula.
ENJOY WARM!
I got this recipe from somewhere on the food network. I think it's Jim Croce's wife who started it. I changed it a little, she says to submerge the cheese in oil but frankly, I think that's excessive.
Ok, it's getting a little creepy
Tomorrow is dinner with Jeff's parents, yes, things are moving quickly... and I volunteered to bring dessert as well as make my amazing arugula salad when I get there. It'll go really well with the salmon I think we're having. Yum! I love salmon and I haven't had it since I went to April's for dinner this summer... (funny, April is in EVERY one of my stories...)
Anyway, I wanted to actually make the dessert rather than just buy something, I thought it would be nicer and well, WAY less lame. So I decided to bake a pie.
I have never baked a pie before, let alone an apple pie. You know, it's actually rather complicated.
Anyway. I guess I wanted to give off some kind of happy homemaker vibe, (Patti Azzara MASTER ILLUSIONIST!) even though I DO love to bake. So. I made a pie.
It looks really good. I actually took a picture of it.
But seriously, I am BAKING PIES FROM SCRATCH for this guy. And you know, I feel really good about it. Just thought I'd share.
Anyway, I wanted to actually make the dessert rather than just buy something, I thought it would be nicer and well, WAY less lame. So I decided to bake a pie.
I have never baked a pie before, let alone an apple pie. You know, it's actually rather complicated.
Anyway. I guess I wanted to give off some kind of happy homemaker vibe, (Patti Azzara MASTER ILLUSIONIST!) even though I DO love to bake. So. I made a pie.
It looks really good. I actually took a picture of it.
But seriously, I am BAKING PIES FROM SCRATCH for this guy. And you know, I feel really good about it. Just thought I'd share.
07 October, 2007
Stop the presses!
The dry spell, otherwise referred to as my entire life, is over.
I am officially dating.
WHAT!?
Ok, here’s the scoop.
Sunday night was a little cold. I know; BIG surprise. So, I grabbed a sweater. It just so happens that I grabbed a beautiful green knit cowl-neck sweater that April insisted I buy when I went to visit her a few weeks ago. It may be my favorite. It may be my lucky. Anyway. I went upstairs looking for chap stick or something, who cares? and looked in the mirror.
"Gee", I thought, "I look kinda cute, I want people to see this." So I tied my hair back, tucked the loose ends behind my ears (totally chic look for me by the way), put on a little makeup, nice shoes and grabbed a pad of paper and pen so I could go to the 24 hour Starbucks and write. I like to do that on occasion. At this point, it was around 12:15 am.
So, I drove to Starbucks. I get there, I make pleasant chit chat with Russ, the ex-potential-wish-we-had-more-time-because-it-could-have-been-great boyfriend, when in walk some other people. One is looking for a gift. I gladly helped out. I love this kind of stuff. His friend orders a drink and sits down. Five minutes go by and I finally make it to the order counter where my Pumpkin Spice Latte has been sitting there, waiting. I turn to find seating when gift-lookers friend says, "It's been there a while" and smiles. I said I knew, and laughed, no big-gee, it had to cool down right? He asked what I was writing, if I'm in college... We talked FOR HOURS! Literally, two hours! I didn't even realize it.
Oh, lord.
He is working on getting his Teaching Certificate in CT for Secondary Ed. He's a History Guy. I LOVE HISTORY! He found this interesting and cool. We talked about EVERYTHING! Politics, art, music, history, philosophy. WHERE has he been all my life? He kept saying things like "I should get your number so we can talk more" and "yeah, my ex-girlfriend thought..." OK, so you want my number and you're single is what you're telling me.
So, we exchanged numbers. Eventually we had to leave, his friend was tired and I was a little too. But it was great. He said, "Well, Patti, I have Tuesday off. So I'll give you a call and see what you're up to".
He is funny, intelligent, driven and cute. Not little buy cute, not uber hot, just simply attractive. I NEVER attract attractive guys. Just losers who are excessively short. He's taller!
Oh yeah his name is Jeff.
So, Tuesday rolls around… I love when they say they’ll call AND THEN THEY CALL!
My, but it makes a girl feel special. We agreed to meet up for coffee. He suggested a drink, I suggested the coffee. I'm more comfortable doing coffee than a drink in a bar. I don't do bars. Never have. I just don't feel good in them. Alcohol is best with few people and at home. But whatever.
I had a date.
I had a DATE! I NEVER date.
Picture: Snoopy dancing atop his dog house, ears flying to and fro, head kicked-back with cheesy grin...
Seriously, apart from one Wednesday night (YEARS AGO!) driving around CT looking for something to do with Alan, the knight in shining armor who allowed for a "ladies choice, front or back seat", I have NEVER had a date. I'm always the make-out buddy, never the girlfriend.
Again, we talked for hours. We met up at 8 and said goodnight at 11:45. At one point, I thought, “He’s not going to kiss me. He just wants a friend to talk to. That kind of sucks.” I thought I would have to settle for the goodnight hug he gave me while saying the standard “I had a really nice time with you tonight.” But, just as I was thinking that, he kissed me. It wasn’t that slow move in; make a girl’s heart beat like crazy kiss either. I must have blinked because I didn’t notice it until he actually kissed me. Love it. He said “I’ve wanted to do that since I met you”. We stood in the parking lot for a few more minutes kissing (I know, what a romantic setting) and then parted ways.
Wednesday afternoon he called and said that I could come by and visit him at work should I be "so inclined". So, I did. I knew he worked 5 - 11 so I stopped in at 8, just as he was taking his 15 minute break. I know, my timing in impeccable. He got me a cup of coffee and we sat and talked for a few minutes. He said that he needed to go out and grab a quick cigarette but that he'd be right back and then, since he didn't have tables, we could talk even after he went back to work. But taking April’s advice to “go by just to remind him how much he likes [me], then leave”, I said, "Oh, I'm not sticking around. You asked me to come by, I came by, now I'm going to go." Now, I said it cute. There was no harsh, sarcastic bitchy tone about it. "But," I added "I will walk you outside for your cigarette." We got outside and we talked for a few minutes. His Praxis test is coming up and he said that after it he "might need [my] support". So quasi date set up for Wednesday. He finished his cigarette and said "I really want to kiss you right now. But I don't want to get in trouble... Oh whatever." and kissed me anyway.
"Are you not supposed to do that at work?"
"Well, you know, I have to try to look professional. I have the apron and everything."
"I see. Well, should I not be sitting on the railing then?"
"No, you're fine. You're the customer."
"Oh. I see. I can do whatever I want."
"Basically."
So, I kissed him goodnight and left.
Fast-forward to Thursday night when I sent him a text message "Hope that work went well and any studying you do sinks in."
He replied "Hey u! Actually have an awful allergy attack, will call you after I study tomorrow. Have a good night."
Okay. Friday he called at about 3 or so to say Saturday is a go that sort of thing.
(Oh yeah, on Tuesday he invited me to a party on Saturday night. A friend's wife was having a birthday and he was allowed to bring a guest.)
"I'll call you after work" So, figuring he worked until about 11, I headed to the coffee shop at 10. He called a few minutes later, already home. "Do you want me to come out there?" "You can if you are so inclined," I said "but, it's up to you"
So, he showed up 25 minutes later. The powers I have... Pleasant conversation followed. School, his upcoming test. Every once in a while there would be a kiss thrown my way. Nothing gross or slobbery. I ended up with my head on his shoulder. He remarked that usually he wouldn't go for that sort of thing in public. But with me, it's different.
We went outside so he could smoke and decided not to go back in. We ended up at my car because it served as a place to sit. (On it not in it, calm down.) Kissing ensued. Happiness and joy abound. He is a really good kisser - did I mention that? We probably stayed there, by the car, kissing, hugging, talking, sitting... for about an hour. It was really nice. When he's around, when he's on my mind... I am this goofy, giggly, cute girl. It's weird, It's nauseating. It's so nice.
So, Saturday FINALLY rolled around. I must admit that I was a little nervous to be going to a party full of people I didn't know. As you may know, I don't much care for parties. We got there pretty early but only a few minutes before the guest of honor who jumped out of the car and called "Jeff! Hi! Oh, is this your date? Yeah!" Her name is Kathy, really lovely woman. When we walked in behind her she introduced us to her parents.
"That's Jeff. And that's Jeff's girlfriend Patti".
We both found this very funny.
It was a nice party, I met some great people. All musicians, or at least most... Kathy wants us (Jeff, me, herself and her husband) to go out for dinner some night soon and there is a standing invitation to drop by their condo whenever.
As we left Kathy said "It's really so nice to see that Jeff is dating. We've been saying he needs to for a while. But he has a brain so he can't date just anyone. And you are so perfect. I mean LOOK at you. You're beautiful and really genuine, I can tell."
Did I mention that I REALLY like Kathy? Everyone at this party thought that we had been dating for at least a few months, some even thought we were engaged. Huh.
We headed to Starbucks (where I parked) and went in to sit for a while. At one point he said
"Well, Miss never had a boyfriend" (which he still cannot believe)
"Yup, that's me."
"Do you want one?"
I just nodded and then, in my cutest little girl voice said
"Can I have one?"
"Yea, you can have one."
"But who should it be? I mean, there are so many guys to choose from..."
"Really?"
"I mean, I would pick you, but you already have a girlfriend."
"Do I? What's her name?"
"Well, according to Kathy, it's Patti."
"Yeah. I'd say so. That's my girlfriend."
cut to me, BEAMING!!!!!!
I really like this guy. He thinks I'm cute, he thinks I'm sweet, he thinks I'm interesting. And when he's around, I am those things. I don't do the stupid stuff. I do the cute stuff that 2 weeks ago made me GAG!
I'm a girlfriend! ME! Holy- just- wow.
It's gonna take some time to get used to this. Though, I kinda hope I never do.
So, I think that's it. That's a lot.
Love and all things green (Especially the sweater that started it all...)
Patti
I am officially dating.
WHAT!?
Ok, here’s the scoop.
Sunday night was a little cold. I know; BIG surprise. So, I grabbed a sweater. It just so happens that I grabbed a beautiful green knit cowl-neck sweater that April insisted I buy when I went to visit her a few weeks ago. It may be my favorite. It may be my lucky. Anyway. I went upstairs looking for chap stick or something, who cares? and looked in the mirror.
"Gee", I thought, "I look kinda cute, I want people to see this." So I tied my hair back, tucked the loose ends behind my ears (totally chic look for me by the way), put on a little makeup, nice shoes and grabbed a pad of paper and pen so I could go to the 24 hour Starbucks and write. I like to do that on occasion. At this point, it was around 12:15 am.
So, I drove to Starbucks. I get there, I make pleasant chit chat with Russ, the ex-potential-wish-we-had-more-time-because-it-could-have-been-great boyfriend, when in walk some other people. One is looking for a gift. I gladly helped out. I love this kind of stuff. His friend orders a drink and sits down. Five minutes go by and I finally make it to the order counter where my Pumpkin Spice Latte has been sitting there, waiting. I turn to find seating when gift-lookers friend says, "It's been there a while" and smiles. I said I knew, and laughed, no big-gee, it had to cool down right? He asked what I was writing, if I'm in college... We talked FOR HOURS! Literally, two hours! I didn't even realize it.
Oh, lord.
He is working on getting his Teaching Certificate in CT for Secondary Ed. He's a History Guy. I LOVE HISTORY! He found this interesting and cool. We talked about EVERYTHING! Politics, art, music, history, philosophy. WHERE has he been all my life? He kept saying things like "I should get your number so we can talk more" and "yeah, my ex-girlfriend thought..." OK, so you want my number and you're single is what you're telling me.
So, we exchanged numbers. Eventually we had to leave, his friend was tired and I was a little too. But it was great. He said, "Well, Patti, I have Tuesday off. So I'll give you a call and see what you're up to".
He is funny, intelligent, driven and cute. Not little buy cute, not uber hot, just simply attractive. I NEVER attract attractive guys. Just losers who are excessively short. He's taller!
Oh yeah his name is Jeff.
So, Tuesday rolls around… I love when they say they’ll call AND THEN THEY CALL!
My, but it makes a girl feel special. We agreed to meet up for coffee. He suggested a drink, I suggested the coffee. I'm more comfortable doing coffee than a drink in a bar. I don't do bars. Never have. I just don't feel good in them. Alcohol is best with few people and at home. But whatever.
I had a date.
I had a DATE! I NEVER date.
Picture: Snoopy dancing atop his dog house, ears flying to and fro, head kicked-back with cheesy grin...
Seriously, apart from one Wednesday night (YEARS AGO!) driving around CT looking for something to do with Alan, the knight in shining armor who allowed for a "ladies choice, front or back seat", I have NEVER had a date. I'm always the make-out buddy, never the girlfriend.
Again, we talked for hours. We met up at 8 and said goodnight at 11:45. At one point, I thought, “He’s not going to kiss me. He just wants a friend to talk to. That kind of sucks.” I thought I would have to settle for the goodnight hug he gave me while saying the standard “I had a really nice time with you tonight.” But, just as I was thinking that, he kissed me. It wasn’t that slow move in; make a girl’s heart beat like crazy kiss either. I must have blinked because I didn’t notice it until he actually kissed me. Love it. He said “I’ve wanted to do that since I met you”. We stood in the parking lot for a few more minutes kissing (I know, what a romantic setting) and then parted ways.
Wednesday afternoon he called and said that I could come by and visit him at work should I be "so inclined". So, I did. I knew he worked 5 - 11 so I stopped in at 8, just as he was taking his 15 minute break. I know, my timing in impeccable. He got me a cup of coffee and we sat and talked for a few minutes. He said that he needed to go out and grab a quick cigarette but that he'd be right back and then, since he didn't have tables, we could talk even after he went back to work. But taking April’s advice to “go by just to remind him how much he likes [me], then leave”, I said, "Oh, I'm not sticking around. You asked me to come by, I came by, now I'm going to go." Now, I said it cute. There was no harsh, sarcastic bitchy tone about it. "But," I added "I will walk you outside for your cigarette." We got outside and we talked for a few minutes. His Praxis test is coming up and he said that after it he "might need [my] support". So quasi date set up for Wednesday. He finished his cigarette and said "I really want to kiss you right now. But I don't want to get in trouble... Oh whatever." and kissed me anyway.
"Are you not supposed to do that at work?"
"Well, you know, I have to try to look professional. I have the apron and everything."
"I see. Well, should I not be sitting on the railing then?"
"No, you're fine. You're the customer."
"Oh. I see. I can do whatever I want."
"Basically."
So, I kissed him goodnight and left.
Fast-forward to Thursday night when I sent him a text message "Hope that work went well and any studying you do sinks in."
He replied "Hey u! Actually have an awful allergy attack, will call you after I study tomorrow. Have a good night."
Okay. Friday he called at about 3 or so to say Saturday is a go that sort of thing.
(Oh yeah, on Tuesday he invited me to a party on Saturday night. A friend's wife was having a birthday and he was allowed to bring a guest.)
"I'll call you after work" So, figuring he worked until about 11, I headed to the coffee shop at 10. He called a few minutes later, already home. "Do you want me to come out there?" "You can if you are so inclined," I said "but, it's up to you"
So, he showed up 25 minutes later. The powers I have... Pleasant conversation followed. School, his upcoming test. Every once in a while there would be a kiss thrown my way. Nothing gross or slobbery. I ended up with my head on his shoulder. He remarked that usually he wouldn't go for that sort of thing in public. But with me, it's different.
We went outside so he could smoke and decided not to go back in. We ended up at my car because it served as a place to sit. (On it not in it, calm down.) Kissing ensued. Happiness and joy abound. He is a really good kisser - did I mention that? We probably stayed there, by the car, kissing, hugging, talking, sitting... for about an hour. It was really nice. When he's around, when he's on my mind... I am this goofy, giggly, cute girl. It's weird, It's nauseating. It's so nice.
So, Saturday FINALLY rolled around. I must admit that I was a little nervous to be going to a party full of people I didn't know. As you may know, I don't much care for parties. We got there pretty early but only a few minutes before the guest of honor who jumped out of the car and called "Jeff! Hi! Oh, is this your date? Yeah!" Her name is Kathy, really lovely woman. When we walked in behind her she introduced us to her parents.
"That's Jeff. And that's Jeff's girlfriend Patti".
We both found this very funny.
It was a nice party, I met some great people. All musicians, or at least most... Kathy wants us (Jeff, me, herself and her husband) to go out for dinner some night soon and there is a standing invitation to drop by their condo whenever.
As we left Kathy said "It's really so nice to see that Jeff is dating. We've been saying he needs to for a while. But he has a brain so he can't date just anyone. And you are so perfect. I mean LOOK at you. You're beautiful and really genuine, I can tell."
Did I mention that I REALLY like Kathy? Everyone at this party thought that we had been dating for at least a few months, some even thought we were engaged. Huh.
We headed to Starbucks (where I parked) and went in to sit for a while. At one point he said
"Well, Miss never had a boyfriend" (which he still cannot believe)
"Yup, that's me."
"Do you want one?"
I just nodded and then, in my cutest little girl voice said
"Can I have one?"
"Yea, you can have one."
"But who should it be? I mean, there are so many guys to choose from..."
"Really?"
"I mean, I would pick you, but you already have a girlfriend."
"Do I? What's her name?"
"Well, according to Kathy, it's Patti."
"Yeah. I'd say so. That's my girlfriend."
cut to me, BEAMING!!!!!!
I really like this guy. He thinks I'm cute, he thinks I'm sweet, he thinks I'm interesting. And when he's around, I am those things. I don't do the stupid stuff. I do the cute stuff that 2 weeks ago made me GAG!
I'm a girlfriend! ME! Holy- just- wow.
It's gonna take some time to get used to this. Though, I kinda hope I never do.
So, I think that's it. That's a lot.
Love and all things green (Especially the sweater that started it all...)
Patti
01 October, 2007
30 September, 2007
I can cook too!
I love to cook as a matter of fact. I love to bake too. I simply ADORE the holidays because I get to do both ALL THE TIME! Mmmmm, Christmas cookies.
So I thought I would share some favorite recipes for fall. These are all fairly easy and really delicious. I have tried, wherever possible, to substitute or eliminate processed sugars etc. It just tastes better that way.
Gramdma Patti's Famous Acorn Squash Soup
I call it this because by the time I'm old enough to HAVE grandchildren, people will have forgotten that I stole this recipe from Alton Brown. Well, I modified it. He says to use butternut squash, I don't like butternut squash. So there.
6 cups acorn squash
Melted butter
1 tablespoon kosher salt, plus 1 teaspoon
1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper, plus 1/2 teaspoon (I prefer mixed pepper here)
3 cups chicken or vegetable stock
4 tablespoons honey
1 teaspoon minced ginger
4 ounces heavy cream
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
Brush the flesh of the squash with a little butter and season with 1 tablespoon salt and 1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper. On a sheet pan lay the squash flesh side up. Roast for about 30 to 35 minutes or until the flesh is nice and soft.
Scoop the flesh from the skin into a pot and add the stock, honey, and ginger. Bring to a simmer and puree using a stick blender. You can use a regular blender, it's a little messier though. Stir in the heavy cream and return to a low simmer. Season with salt, pepper, and nutmeg.
Now, you can forgo the cream. It just isn't as creamy. Huh? Who'd've thunk!
Patti's Delicious Blue-Z Banana Apple Nut Bread
3 eggs
1 cup Vegetable oil
just under 1 cup sugar
2 cups grated Zucchini
1 mashed banana
1 grated medium apple (honey crisp or Mac's are best)
1 pint fresh blueberries (hey, if you can FIND wild ones, use them!)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 cups whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
(the Southerner that I don't like to admit is in me, prefers pecans.)
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Grease and flour two 8x4 inch loaf pans.
Combine Zucchini, Banana and Apple in a bowl, set aside.
*HINT! There's a lot of juice in apples, before you add them to the mixture, squeeze out a bit.
In a large mixing bowl, beat eggs until light and frothy. Mix in oil and sugar. Stir in Zucchini mixture and vanilla. Add blueberries.
In a separate bowl, combine flour, cinnamon, soda, powder, salt and nuts; stir into egg mixture.
Divide batter in prepared pans.
Bake for 60 - 70 minutes or until done.
Variations:
KID-FRIENDLY
Follow above directions, but add 1/2 cup chocolate chips.
I LIKE MINE...
you can put in raisins if you want, pecans, no nuts at all. Make it your own. I did.
STILL TO COME!
Cranberry Pear Relish
Vegan Cheesecake (do-able)
Random Christmas Cookies
Cold-be-gone Lemon-aide
So I thought I would share some favorite recipes for fall. These are all fairly easy and really delicious. I have tried, wherever possible, to substitute or eliminate processed sugars etc. It just tastes better that way.
Gramdma Patti's Famous Acorn Squash Soup
I call it this because by the time I'm old enough to HAVE grandchildren, people will have forgotten that I stole this recipe from Alton Brown. Well, I modified it. He says to use butternut squash, I don't like butternut squash. So there.
6 cups acorn squash
Melted butter
1 tablespoon kosher salt, plus 1 teaspoon
1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper, plus 1/2 teaspoon (I prefer mixed pepper here)
3 cups chicken or vegetable stock
4 tablespoons honey
1 teaspoon minced ginger
4 ounces heavy cream
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
Brush the flesh of the squash with a little butter and season with 1 tablespoon salt and 1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper. On a sheet pan lay the squash flesh side up. Roast for about 30 to 35 minutes or until the flesh is nice and soft.
Scoop the flesh from the skin into a pot and add the stock, honey, and ginger. Bring to a simmer and puree using a stick blender. You can use a regular blender, it's a little messier though. Stir in the heavy cream and return to a low simmer. Season with salt, pepper, and nutmeg.
Now, you can forgo the cream. It just isn't as creamy. Huh? Who'd've thunk!
Patti's Delicious Blue-Z Banana Apple Nut Bread
3 eggs
1 cup Vegetable oil
just under 1 cup sugar
2 cups grated Zucchini
1 mashed banana
1 grated medium apple (honey crisp or Mac's are best)
1 pint fresh blueberries (hey, if you can FIND wild ones, use them!)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 cups whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
(the Southerner that I don't like to admit is in me, prefers pecans.)
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Grease and flour two 8x4 inch loaf pans.
Combine Zucchini, Banana and Apple in a bowl, set aside.
*HINT! There's a lot of juice in apples, before you add them to the mixture, squeeze out a bit.
In a large mixing bowl, beat eggs until light and frothy. Mix in oil and sugar. Stir in Zucchini mixture and vanilla. Add blueberries.
In a separate bowl, combine flour, cinnamon, soda, powder, salt and nuts; stir into egg mixture.
Divide batter in prepared pans.
Bake for 60 - 70 minutes or until done.
Variations:
KID-FRIENDLY
Follow above directions, but add 1/2 cup chocolate chips.
I LIKE MINE...
you can put in raisins if you want, pecans, no nuts at all. Make it your own. I did.
STILL TO COME!
Cranberry Pear Relish
Vegan Cheesecake (do-able)
Random Christmas Cookies
Cold-be-gone Lemon-aide
28 September, 2007
Third time's the charm
Ok.
I swear that after this grows out I am officially done with hair dye!
I fixed it AGAIN!
The first try made it SO LIGHT that adding brown just made it red (read orange-ish). April and Jeff BOTH said that it wasn't, but frankly, they rarely saw it in fluorescent light and they're nice, they could have lied.
Now it has a funky warm sheen but it's a nice dark brown. It's literally my original color with an all-over warm tone mixed in.
Whatever.
I swear that after this grows out I am officially done with hair dye!
I fixed it AGAIN!
The first try made it SO LIGHT that adding brown just made it red (read orange-ish). April and Jeff BOTH said that it wasn't, but frankly, they rarely saw it in fluorescent light and they're nice, they could have lied.
Now it has a funky warm sheen but it's a nice dark brown. It's literally my original color with an all-over warm tone mixed in.
Whatever.
Your comments are appreciated...
Or, rather, they would be. But it seems that most of my readers don't comment. That makes me a little sad. I mean, if you read, let me know what you think. Granted, a lot of what I write is silly little stuff but BIG doesn't occur on a regular basis. I don't need to blog my life. I do because people asked me to. Come on people, give a girl a comment! I know, I sound needy and lame. I am not. It just isn't too fun having this one-sided conversation.
25 September, 2007
Catch up!
Well. I had fun last weekend. A lot. Two weeks ago I talked with April and set up a weekend at her house. WOOHOO! I had been WAITING, rather impatiently, to tell her scads of news. Work, boys, interests and of course, new YEEHAW moves. (Explanation to follow)
So I set off on Friday afternoon from Hancock, NH and made the three and a half (read four) hour drive to Nassau, NY. Now, it would have been three hours. But I took a wrong turn at the VERY BEGINNING of the drive and then couldn't find her road at the end of it. There are literally NO streetlights where she lives. Great for star gazing but awful if you just want to be able to read street signs. Oh well.
I feel so good when I'm with April. She's genuinely interested in what is going on with me and wants to tell me her own things that sound marked for only certain people. I am so honored to be one of those certain people. She calls me her little sister. She never had one, it's cool to have that relationship with her. I trust her with everything and feel like she's a sister. Of course, sometimes she acts like such a kid, I am reluctant to say older sister!
For example: We were standing in the kitchen on Saturday evening with her boyfriend, Jeff. He is really very nice and supportive (I'll go into further details momentarily) and ridiculously funny. Anyway. April made some kind of comment that could sound a little dumb if you didn't know her. So, of course, I ribbed her for it. Jeff joined in because, like I said, he is funny. Well, she was making toast at the time. Let me just say that it's probably a bad idea to poke at someone (playfully of course) when she has a spoon covered in Red Raspberry Preserves in her hand. That is, unless you want the jam-like substance smeared all over your forehead. I am sure I looked really sexy. I got her back. I just wiped it off my head and smacked it on hers. This did not surprise her in the slightest. Jeff, I am sure, thoroughly enjoyed watching this exchange.
Anyway. We went shopping (yard sales, Salvation Army, Goodwill - I know, BIG spenders) and had a wonderful day walking around Albany and laughing. I spent the entire weekend smiling and happy, even when my ankle started acting up. Until Sunday morning. April was going to work out a bit and I stayed upstairs to check my email. There was a note from my boss at the center requesting that I meet with him. It sounded casual, like he wanted to go over some things for the next week. I called him in his office and I knew it wasn't going to be so casual.
There had been complaints, apparently lots, none of which were brought to my attention, and he felt uncomfortable placing me with children. That meant, in my mind, a week of resource. Ok, I thought, a chance to work on some issues and get to be the person I need to be to do this job. But, it was hard to hear that I had screwed up so much and frustrating to know that he didn't come to me about it until the weekend. He knew on Wednesday from one school and Friday from another that there were complaints and problems yet he STILL WAITED until Saturday to ask to talk to me about it. This has happened before. When it did, I asked him that if it ever happened again that he come to me sooner rather than later so that it would be fresh in my mind and I could better change my behavior in the future.
The phone conversation started as a "It's not acceptable, but don't be sorry. We'll continue (read start) to work on this and you'll get better". It ended with him saying "here's what I need from you. I need a letter of resignation on my desk tomorrow morning and I can give you a good recommendation, or I'll have to terminate you" I resigned to save face. What choice did I have? I don't like and would even go as far to say that I hate how he handled this whole thing. Monday morning I packed my car and drove back to Connecticut where I will stay until who knows when. I am extremely disappointed and I sure that I not alone in that.
Anyway, I was at April's when I got this phone call. She calmed me down. I wasn't too emotional about it yet and we talked a bit. When Jeff came home, he was so sweet. He made me laugh and I really did feel okay about it. I went out for a walk about fifteen minutes later. He hadn't expected me to leave. April told me later that he said "I wasn't ready for her to go for a walk". He'd wanted me to sit and talk and hang out a bit more before he took his nap between jobs. Sweet. Sweet guy. He also said I needed a beer, but I didn't take him up on that offer.
So, I think that's everything.
Silver Lining:
If my associate still wants me, I can be a Girl Scout Leader after all.
I found out early that it wasn't a good fit for me.
The stuff that I wasn't looking forward to, I don't have to do.
and
I'm not dead or dying, so naturally, I will live through this.
Love to you all.
So I set off on Friday afternoon from Hancock, NH and made the three and a half (read four) hour drive to Nassau, NY. Now, it would have been three hours. But I took a wrong turn at the VERY BEGINNING of the drive and then couldn't find her road at the end of it. There are literally NO streetlights where she lives. Great for star gazing but awful if you just want to be able to read street signs. Oh well.
I feel so good when I'm with April. She's genuinely interested in what is going on with me and wants to tell me her own things that sound marked for only certain people. I am so honored to be one of those certain people. She calls me her little sister. She never had one, it's cool to have that relationship with her. I trust her with everything and feel like she's a sister. Of course, sometimes she acts like such a kid, I am reluctant to say older sister!
For example: We were standing in the kitchen on Saturday evening with her boyfriend, Jeff. He is really very nice and supportive (I'll go into further details momentarily) and ridiculously funny. Anyway. April made some kind of comment that could sound a little dumb if you didn't know her. So, of course, I ribbed her for it. Jeff joined in because, like I said, he is funny. Well, she was making toast at the time. Let me just say that it's probably a bad idea to poke at someone (playfully of course) when she has a spoon covered in Red Raspberry Preserves in her hand. That is, unless you want the jam-like substance smeared all over your forehead. I am sure I looked really sexy. I got her back. I just wiped it off my head and smacked it on hers. This did not surprise her in the slightest. Jeff, I am sure, thoroughly enjoyed watching this exchange.
Anyway. We went shopping (yard sales, Salvation Army, Goodwill - I know, BIG spenders) and had a wonderful day walking around Albany and laughing. I spent the entire weekend smiling and happy, even when my ankle started acting up. Until Sunday morning. April was going to work out a bit and I stayed upstairs to check my email. There was a note from my boss at the center requesting that I meet with him. It sounded casual, like he wanted to go over some things for the next week. I called him in his office and I knew it wasn't going to be so casual.
There had been complaints, apparently lots, none of which were brought to my attention, and he felt uncomfortable placing me with children. That meant, in my mind, a week of resource. Ok, I thought, a chance to work on some issues and get to be the person I need to be to do this job. But, it was hard to hear that I had screwed up so much and frustrating to know that he didn't come to me about it until the weekend. He knew on Wednesday from one school and Friday from another that there were complaints and problems yet he STILL WAITED until Saturday to ask to talk to me about it. This has happened before. When it did, I asked him that if it ever happened again that he come to me sooner rather than later so that it would be fresh in my mind and I could better change my behavior in the future.
The phone conversation started as a "It's not acceptable, but don't be sorry. We'll continue (read start) to work on this and you'll get better". It ended with him saying "here's what I need from you. I need a letter of resignation on my desk tomorrow morning and I can give you a good recommendation, or I'll have to terminate you" I resigned to save face. What choice did I have? I don't like and would even go as far to say that I hate how he handled this whole thing. Monday morning I packed my car and drove back to Connecticut where I will stay until who knows when. I am extremely disappointed and I sure that I not alone in that.
Anyway, I was at April's when I got this phone call. She calmed me down. I wasn't too emotional about it yet and we talked a bit. When Jeff came home, he was so sweet. He made me laugh and I really did feel okay about it. I went out for a walk about fifteen minutes later. He hadn't expected me to leave. April told me later that he said "I wasn't ready for her to go for a walk". He'd wanted me to sit and talk and hang out a bit more before he took his nap between jobs. Sweet. Sweet guy. He also said I needed a beer, but I didn't take him up on that offer.
So, I think that's everything.
Silver Lining:
If my associate still wants me, I can be a Girl Scout Leader after all.
I found out early that it wasn't a good fit for me.
The stuff that I wasn't looking forward to, I don't have to do.
and
I'm not dead or dying, so naturally, I will live through this.
Love to you all.
20 September, 2007
ok look.
"I understand that I am unique, but it is necessary to continually point that out as if it's a bad thing? Yes, I have my quirks, but you do too. Some of your quirks are actually ANNOYING to people OTHER than me and yet, no one says anything because we have all figured out that it would be rude and wrong to do so.
Figure it out for yourself.
Shut up.
Go away."
Oh, if I only had the indecency or at least ability not to care...
Figure it out for yourself.
Shut up.
Go away."
Oh, if I only had the indecency or at least ability not to care...
Things are getting hairy...
I FIXED IT! Thank God.
A few days ago I drove to Target in Keene and bought some hair dye. I felt like it. I got that $19.00 Loreal Colour Exprete Multi-tonal, two-step, add your own personalized hightlights BS thing.
Whoa.
I hated it.
The base color was good but the hightlights made me feel so ugly. It was WAY TOO LIGHT! Really. My hair was borderline orange. I was not pleased. Last night, I couldn't take it anymore. So I drove to Job Lots and paid $3.50 for Garnier 100% Color. I fixed last night with Izzy's help. It looks so much better now.
I thought I would share.
A few days ago I drove to Target in Keene and bought some hair dye. I felt like it. I got that $19.00 Loreal Colour Exprete Multi-tonal, two-step, add your own personalized hightlights BS thing.
Whoa.
I hated it.
The base color was good but the hightlights made me feel so ugly. It was WAY TOO LIGHT! Really. My hair was borderline orange. I was not pleased. Last night, I couldn't take it anymore. So I drove to Job Lots and paid $3.50 for Garnier 100% Color. I fixed last night with Izzy's help. It looks so much better now.
I thought I would share.
18 September, 2007
Eat up!
Every meal at the center involves one member of School Program Staff setting the tables with their group, welcoming everyone to the meal and providing a quote for the meal.
Tonight was my night. Now, I love working dinner. It's way more fun because the kids have all that they've experienced that day fresh in their minds. I also love how great the kids react when I announce dessert. Seriously, it's pretty cool.
Really though, I like running any meal because I get the opportunity to share some of my favorite quotes. A lot of times the kids don't really get it but then, they don't get a lot. The teachers and other instructors though, they usually appreciate the quotes. Not just from me, from anyone. We look pretty hard to find ones that mean something cool. So far, I've gone twice and quoted different parts of the same song. It's a great one so I think that it deserves to be heard here.
We’re gonna talk about love,
Talk about peace,
Talk about a world full of happiness.
Talk about love your neighbor as yourself
Talk about friendliness
Talk about do unto others
as you would have them others do unto you.
And with thoughts like that running through your head,
ain’t nothing good that you can’t do.
There’s a whole lot of people in this old world living on nothing but hate.
If things don’t change around pretty soon, it’s gonna be too late.
They’re building guns and tanks
and bombs and planes
And I don’t know what all
Well you better listen to the people when they talk about peace
Hear the children when they call
They'll talk about love,
Talk about peace,
Talk about a world full of happiness.
Talk about love your neighbor as yourself
Talk about friendliness
Talk about do unto others
as you would have them others do unto you
And with thoughts like that running through your head,
ain’t nothing good that you can’t do.
Well now, they’ve got enough equipment to destroy the world
And everything that’s in it
The way I’ve got it figured it’d take a little while
About twenty five or thirty minutes
It seems funny to me
that when you talk about peace
you might be suspected of crime
And that the people trying hardest to save the world
have lived here the shortest time.
They’re talking ‘bout love,
Talk about peace,
Talk about a world full of happiness.
Talk about love your neighbor as yourself
Talk about friendliness
Talk about do unto others
as you would have them others do unto you
And with thoughts like that running through your head,
ain’t nothing good that you can’t do.
Joe Hampson, singer, songwriter, genius: 1928 - 2006
To hear the song, click HERE and then click on the 01 Talk About Peace.wma file
Tonight was my night. Now, I love working dinner. It's way more fun because the kids have all that they've experienced that day fresh in their minds. I also love how great the kids react when I announce dessert. Seriously, it's pretty cool.
Really though, I like running any meal because I get the opportunity to share some of my favorite quotes. A lot of times the kids don't really get it but then, they don't get a lot. The teachers and other instructors though, they usually appreciate the quotes. Not just from me, from anyone. We look pretty hard to find ones that mean something cool. So far, I've gone twice and quoted different parts of the same song. It's a great one so I think that it deserves to be heard here.
We’re gonna talk about love,
Talk about peace,
Talk about a world full of happiness.
Talk about love your neighbor as yourself
Talk about friendliness
Talk about do unto others
as you would have them others do unto you.
And with thoughts like that running through your head,
ain’t nothing good that you can’t do.
There’s a whole lot of people in this old world living on nothing but hate.
If things don’t change around pretty soon, it’s gonna be too late.
They’re building guns and tanks
and bombs and planes
And I don’t know what all
Well you better listen to the people when they talk about peace
Hear the children when they call
They'll talk about love,
Talk about peace,
Talk about a world full of happiness.
Talk about love your neighbor as yourself
Talk about friendliness
Talk about do unto others
as you would have them others do unto you
And with thoughts like that running through your head,
ain’t nothing good that you can’t do.
Well now, they’ve got enough equipment to destroy the world
And everything that’s in it
The way I’ve got it figured it’d take a little while
About twenty five or thirty minutes
It seems funny to me
that when you talk about peace
you might be suspected of crime
And that the people trying hardest to save the world
have lived here the shortest time.
They’re talking ‘bout love,
Talk about peace,
Talk about a world full of happiness.
Talk about love your neighbor as yourself
Talk about friendliness
Talk about do unto others
as you would have them others do unto you
And with thoughts like that running through your head,
ain’t nothing good that you can’t do.
Joe Hampson, singer, songwriter, genius: 1928 - 2006
To hear the song, click HERE and then click on the 01 Talk About Peace.wma file
17 September, 2007
still a way's to go yet...
I have accomplished a lot in the past few weeks. I really have. I'm less irritable, more likely to take a breath. But I have more work to do. I am a little frustrated. I know, I know. No one changes overnight. But sometimes I just feel like I am tired of changing. It's never enough, I want to stay me in some way. Am I that bad? I know that there are things about me that need to go away. I know that there are things about me that get in the way of people seeing how great I am. But sometimes, I wish I could just be done with people saying "nope, sorry, keep trying". Sometimes, I simply want to quit. Sometimes I want to scream "This is who I am! Get used to it!" But that would be rude.
I hate to blame other people but growing up where I did, with whom I did... If you didn't yell you weren't heard. If you weren't sarcastic, you weren't funny, if you weren't cynical then you were stupid and unrealistic. If you didn't fight back, you lost. My mom yelled a lot. That's just what I grew up with. It was always there. That's all I knew for a long time. So it's understandable that I have only gone so far in a small amount of time. But I get restless. I am looking forward to what and who I'll be by the end of the year... It's the journey that I look at with a sigh of fatigue and disinterest.
I hate to blame other people but growing up where I did, with whom I did... If you didn't yell you weren't heard. If you weren't sarcastic, you weren't funny, if you weren't cynical then you were stupid and unrealistic. If you didn't fight back, you lost. My mom yelled a lot. That's just what I grew up with. It was always there. That's all I knew for a long time. So it's understandable that I have only gone so far in a small amount of time. But I get restless. I am looking forward to what and who I'll be by the end of the year... It's the journey that I look at with a sigh of fatigue and disinterest.
I needed a change...
Last night I dyed my hair.
I felt like it.
It's different.
I do not like it.
That is all.
I felt like it.
It's different.
I do not like it.
That is all.
15 September, 2007
ow...
I am so stupid.
Really, I am.
I was running (literally) down a trail yesterday to get to my car so that I could run (not literally) to the store and buy some chicken for dinner. You see, I was making pasta and I felt that it would not be a sufficient meal, it needed protein.
Anyway.
I was running. On a trail. Full of roots. And rocks.
Yeah.
When all of a sudden...
SNAP goes my right ankle. I was sure that I'd broken it. Sure. I didn't. I sprained it. But it REALLY HURT!
So, I leaned onto a rock nearby and lowered myself to the ground, all the while yelling "Ow. ow ow ow OW OW OW OW OW!" Then, I did something smart. I called for help. Izzy, a co-worker up here, is an EMT. Let me tell you, it is wonderful to have her around. So I start screaming. "IZZY! IZZY! IZZY! I need help! Somebody help me! IZZY!" And then Izzy ran up behind Shira and found me crying on the ground.
Izzy hadn't heard me yelling. Shira had though. She told Izzy. The exchange went something like this:
Shira: Um, Izzy. I think Patti's calling you.
Izzy: Oh yeah? Where is she?
Shira: She's outside, I think let me check. (goes outside, and returns) She appears to be screaming.
I slept on the couch last night, and I'm not walking around much today. I was supposed to work today for a conference (read extra cash) but I am just not up to it. Oh well. Hopefully I'll be better by tomorrow, a little more by Monday and running full speed on Friday. April wants to go hiking/climbing on Saturday so I want to be back up and going well by then at least.
Just thought I'd share.
Really, I am.
I was running (literally) down a trail yesterday to get to my car so that I could run (not literally) to the store and buy some chicken for dinner. You see, I was making pasta and I felt that it would not be a sufficient meal, it needed protein.
Anyway.
I was running. On a trail. Full of roots. And rocks.
Yeah.
When all of a sudden...
SNAP goes my right ankle. I was sure that I'd broken it. Sure. I didn't. I sprained it. But it REALLY HURT!
So, I leaned onto a rock nearby and lowered myself to the ground, all the while yelling "Ow. ow ow ow OW OW OW OW OW!" Then, I did something smart. I called for help. Izzy, a co-worker up here, is an EMT. Let me tell you, it is wonderful to have her around. So I start screaming. "IZZY! IZZY! IZZY! I need help! Somebody help me! IZZY!" And then Izzy ran up behind Shira and found me crying on the ground.
Izzy hadn't heard me yelling. Shira had though. She told Izzy. The exchange went something like this:
Shira: Um, Izzy. I think Patti's calling you.
Izzy: Oh yeah? Where is she?
Shira: She's outside, I think let me check. (goes outside, and returns) She appears to be screaming.
I slept on the couch last night, and I'm not walking around much today. I was supposed to work today for a conference (read extra cash) but I am just not up to it. Oh well. Hopefully I'll be better by tomorrow, a little more by Monday and running full speed on Friday. April wants to go hiking/climbing on Saturday so I want to be back up and going well by then at least.
Just thought I'd share.
13 September, 2007
I forgot...
Well...
There's a lot going through my head right now. It's mostly just random ideas and bits if information. It's going to take a little while before it all congeals into some truly expressable thing but I'd rather write it down now while it's fresh then after the effect has worn off.
My kids left just a few minutes ago. They were here for four days and three nights. For most part, all of these kids in this group were good. Mine, however, were amazing. I was so blessed with these children. Were they angels? Are you kidding? Of course not! They ARE twelve years old! However, they did listen, they did try, they did have fun and so did I.
The whole time, we laughed, we hiked, we learned.
So today after lunch we gathered the whole school together for a large debreif, a recap of what we'd done, learned etc... Larry, my boss, said that we (the staff) were teaching and working all week long. Now, I'm sure a lot of you are thinking "DUH!".
But me?
I thought, "Wait! I was teaching! Whoa!" It literally had slipped my mind that I was teaching. It slipped my mind that I was working at all.
It was a little disconserting. But I am so thankful for it.
I can't make it clearer. Yet...
There's a lot going through my head right now. It's mostly just random ideas and bits if information. It's going to take a little while before it all congeals into some truly expressable thing but I'd rather write it down now while it's fresh then after the effect has worn off.
My kids left just a few minutes ago. They were here for four days and three nights. For most part, all of these kids in this group were good. Mine, however, were amazing. I was so blessed with these children. Were they angels? Are you kidding? Of course not! They ARE twelve years old! However, they did listen, they did try, they did have fun and so did I.
The whole time, we laughed, we hiked, we learned.
So today after lunch we gathered the whole school together for a large debreif, a recap of what we'd done, learned etc... Larry, my boss, said that we (the staff) were teaching and working all week long. Now, I'm sure a lot of you are thinking "DUH!".
But me?
I thought, "Wait! I was teaching! Whoa!" It literally had slipped my mind that I was teaching. It slipped my mind that I was working at all.
It was a little disconserting. But I am so thankful for it.
I can't make it clearer. Yet...
12 September, 2007
I have tried and tried and tried
But I don't like sushi. It doesn't taste right, and I HATE the texture, just ewwww. I really tried but more than one piece at a time, no thanks. And that seaweed tape they use? Gross!
I think I'll take my salmon cooked from now on. Tuna too. And eel? Well, maybe I'll just stay away from eel entirely.
I know that it is really good for you and blah, blah, blah. But I am sorry. And if you LIKE sushi, look at it this way - more for you!
I think I'll take my salmon cooked from now on. Tuna too. And eel? Well, maybe I'll just stay away from eel entirely.
I know that it is really good for you and blah, blah, blah. But I am sorry. And if you LIKE sushi, look at it this way - more for you!
I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning
Life is strange. At the beginning of the summer I was crossing my fingers that I would be able to work at the camp I went to as a child. When I realized that it wasn't going to happen I was crushed. But within minutes Karol sent me an email alerting me to a website and a job that might interest me. I called the number listed and was told "We have enough counselors, but apply anyway, sometimes people don't show up." I applied on Monday. I drove up and interviewed on Friday and started work the following Monday.
I have never been so fortunate to work with a better group of people. Apart from five people, the staff was entirely women at this girls camp. I loved it. It was hard and sometimes I thought "When I get home, I am going to kill Karol." But, I really enjoyed myself overall. At my interview I met April, the Adventure Specialist. She did all low/high ropes and I would be assisting her all summer long. I love April. She was so amazing. I was so lucky to work under and with her. It felt so great to have that to look forward to everyday.
However, it was summer camp. Seven weeks doesn't last too long. The last day was coming up and I was unemployed as of 11:01 am, August 20. I was a little nervous. I know the trend: great job, crap job, ok job, awful job, unemployed, good job... I was so scared that I would end up living in Danbury, working in the mall, trying to stay positive in an environment that made me want to cry.
But April, and Scarlett (another close friend from camp), told me about a website that had tons of jobs in which I might be interested. I found two that were interesting and applied to one. That's my weakness, I know I need a job, but I can't seem to get that light under my ass lit.
I faxed in my resume, cover letter and application packet on Monday, August 13. The Director called April for a reference. Then I called him a few hours later to check in as requested. I was in April's car, on her phone when he hired me to work for the school year.
Now I've finished my training and I have ten kids. I am confidently nervous. Everyone at camp was so happy for me - and REALLY supportive. I have never felt so loved by so many people. A lot of people cried when I said goodbye the last time. I didn't realize that I could have that effect on people. One, in particular, told me that she felt like we were sisters and that she had relied on me throughout the suumer and had learned so much from me. I got that a lot. People learned a lot from me this summer. I can't imagine what, but it is so wonderful to hear.
Most of the staff this year were international and I'm already planning my trip to the UK next year so I can see everyone again.
I just wanted to let you all know. Thanks for all the support and I hope that you find the same happiness in your lives even if it makes you think you'll pee your pants because you're wigging out. Life is more fun that way.
"Climb up, look down, steady yourself. Jump"
I have never been so fortunate to work with a better group of people. Apart from five people, the staff was entirely women at this girls camp. I loved it. It was hard and sometimes I thought "When I get home, I am going to kill Karol." But, I really enjoyed myself overall. At my interview I met April, the Adventure Specialist. She did all low/high ropes and I would be assisting her all summer long. I love April. She was so amazing. I was so lucky to work under and with her. It felt so great to have that to look forward to everyday.
However, it was summer camp. Seven weeks doesn't last too long. The last day was coming up and I was unemployed as of 11:01 am, August 20. I was a little nervous. I know the trend: great job, crap job, ok job, awful job, unemployed, good job... I was so scared that I would end up living in Danbury, working in the mall, trying to stay positive in an environment that made me want to cry.
But April, and Scarlett (another close friend from camp), told me about a website that had tons of jobs in which I might be interested. I found two that were interesting and applied to one. That's my weakness, I know I need a job, but I can't seem to get that light under my ass lit.
I faxed in my resume, cover letter and application packet on Monday, August 13. The Director called April for a reference. Then I called him a few hours later to check in as requested. I was in April's car, on her phone when he hired me to work for the school year.
Now I've finished my training and I have ten kids. I am confidently nervous. Everyone at camp was so happy for me - and REALLY supportive. I have never felt so loved by so many people. A lot of people cried when I said goodbye the last time. I didn't realize that I could have that effect on people. One, in particular, told me that she felt like we were sisters and that she had relied on me throughout the suumer and had learned so much from me. I got that a lot. People learned a lot from me this summer. I can't imagine what, but it is so wonderful to hear.
Most of the staff this year were international and I'm already planning my trip to the UK next year so I can see everyone again.
I just wanted to let you all know. Thanks for all the support and I hope that you find the same happiness in your lives even if it makes you think you'll pee your pants because you're wigging out. Life is more fun that way.
"Climb up, look down, steady yourself. Jump"
So, about me...
Sometimes:
1. I am just stupid
2. I am negative but I think it's realistic
3. I cry for no reason and then laugh at myself
4. Fantasize about volunteering at Hillary Clinton's NY office
5. I remember all the things I said when I was six that I would do when I was this age and I get really overwhelmed
6. I write really long sentences that need to be read several times
7. I don't care
8. I care too much
9. I let myself get hurt because that's what I expect
10. I say hurtful things
11. I forget why I felt I had to
12. I confuse being honest with being vicious
13. I get through an entire blog entry without needing spell chekc
14. I want to give up
15. I give up
16. I tough it out
17. I get REALLY obnoxious songs stuck in my head
18. I force myself to laugh because I know eventually I will find it funny
19. I think I need serious therapy
20. I think that all the help I need will come to me when I am ready to accept it
21. I think I am really deep
22. I think I am full of it
23. I know I am full of it
24. I wish I had brothers
25. I realize how crazy that is
26. I wish I had sisters my own age- only to realize we're equally immature in certain areas so it evens out.
27. I miss people with whom I stay in contact, because there's actually joy in missing them.
28. I realize that 28 is a lot and I should stop.
29. Sometimes I don't...
1. I am just stupid
2. I am negative but I think it's realistic
3. I cry for no reason and then laugh at myself
4. Fantasize about volunteering at Hillary Clinton's NY office
5. I remember all the things I said when I was six that I would do when I was this age and I get really overwhelmed
6. I write really long sentences that need to be read several times
7. I don't care
8. I care too much
9. I let myself get hurt because that's what I expect
10. I say hurtful things
11. I forget why I felt I had to
12. I confuse being honest with being vicious
13. I get through an entire blog entry without needing spell chekc
14. I want to give up
15. I give up
16. I tough it out
17. I get REALLY obnoxious songs stuck in my head
18. I force myself to laugh because I know eventually I will find it funny
19. I think I need serious therapy
20. I think that all the help I need will come to me when I am ready to accept it
21. I think I am really deep
22. I think I am full of it
23. I know I am full of it
24. I wish I had brothers
25. I realize how crazy that is
26. I wish I had sisters my own age- only to realize we're equally immature in certain areas so it evens out.
27. I miss people with whom I stay in contact, because there's actually joy in missing them.
28. I realize that 28 is a lot and I should stop.
29. Sometimes I don't...
ok
I have never been very good at these things. I always try and then I forget that I started. It's unfortunate really, because I would love to share with everyone my experiences as they occur. Sometimes though, at the end of the day, I am tired, or irritated. Sometimes I just can't even THINK about what happened, let alone relive it so that others can get up to speed. But I try. I try. So, if I don't update this on a consistent basis, I apologize. I'll update it more if people actually READ it and comment. If no one reads it then there isn't a point in writing this is there?
I thought not.
I thought not.
08 September, 2007
Life is a show. Every show has a theme song. (except 60 minutes)
Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)