Get your air tank, this one's deep

PREFACE: I talk about God in this one. I am not one of the crazy people with whom I went to Bible Camp. Yes, I went to Bible Camp. I am not someone who will now talk about God nonstop. I am simply a person who has come to a realization and wants to share. That is all.

I was driving around just a few minutes ago and I heard sirens in the distance. I did what I have done for a few years now, I crossed myself and continued running my errands. I cross myself every time I hear a siren. It's a silent prayer:

"Lord, please be with those in need of help; those who are helping; their families, and please God, help me avoid a similar situation. Amen."

It's not much, but I feel that somehow it might help. There have been times in my life when I was depressed, worried or in pain and I have taken comfort in the knowledge that someone, somewhere was praying for me. My Dad keeps a list of people he needs to pray for. I'm on it. My friends he barely knows are on it. I know that I am on several people's lists. I'm not bragging, but it is comforting to know.

Anyway. A few minutes after I heard the sirens, I adjusted my bracelet. WOW! What other innocuous things did you do? It actually is important. The bracelet I'm wearing (after months of searching the house for it because my mother put it in a "safe place" which she later couldn't locate) is a silver link bracelet with a Star of David on it. No, I'm not Jewish, not even close. But I wear it anyway. I love this bracelet. I'll tell you why.

It represents faith in the face of fear and adversity. I have undying respect for people, Jewish or otherwise, who have stayed faithful in spite of the pain they were forced to endure.

It forces me to see what is out there. Politically: the war, LGBT rights. women's rights, Darfur, etc; Environmentally: Green House Gas, over dependence on oil, melting glaciers; Financially: taxes, unemployment, the recession. Sure, lately it's been real easy for me to remember the financial situation I have, but I rarely think about the fact that there are people who are worse off than I. Once I see and accept that there are bad things happening in this world, I can come up with ways to change them, to stop them, to improve them.

Lastly, this bracelet reminds me in a very clear and sometimes frightening way, that no matter how hard I try to make the right decision; to listen to God and to do as he says, there is always a possibility that I am wrong. I don't mean wrong in a little way either. I mean, God is up in heaven tearing his hair out because I am WAY OFF!

Sometimes I picture him, yelling at me. "What are you doing? That's not what I said to do! Oh My ME! Are you insane?" Meanwhile Jesus stands next to him saying calmly, "She's trying. She isn't doing anything horrible is she? She made a mistake, ok. So dock her a few points on the Life Test. But at least give her extra credit for trying."

I wonder sometimes, even when life is going good for me, if I am doing the right thing. I wonder if God is happy with my decisions or if he's sitting with his head in his hands laughing so that he won't cry.

I think that we all try. Even people who don't seem to really care about their actions, I believe they do.

In times as frightening and maddening as these, my faith in God is strengthened. Maybe it's a cop out, maybe it's laziness. But sometimes I feel that there is a God simply because the world does not make any sense to me and I feel that somehow it has to make sense to somebody. That somebody is God. I just throw my hands up and say "Okay. I have no idea what you are doing. You are making absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. But, I am sure you know what you're doing. But hey, Dude, (Yes, I call God "dude". He lets me. He's cool like that) could you throw me a bone? I mean, I know you have a plan but why does your plan HAVE to include my going prematurely gray?"

So that is my take on spirituality and faith. I hoped that it would be more linear and sensical, but it doesn't seem to have turned out that way. I'm okay with that.

Hey. I tried.