I am tired.
I've been tired for an entire week and frankly, I'm tired of it. Every day this week I have barely been able to pull myself out of bed by 8 am, so I can leave the house at 8:30.
I try to sleep. I can't.
I'm anxious.
Yesterday, I had an absolute breakdown at camp. It has been a long four week session. I hurt my arm on Wednesday and it's been bothering me ever since. When a co-worker, in an attempt to participate in the afternoon sing-a-long, put her "hand on the shoulder of the person next to" her, she did it a little too hard and I was back at the nurse with an ice pack on my arm. I sat there of about 20 minutes. I would have left the office sooner and gone back to the pavilion, out of fear that sitting with the nurse any longer would result in tears, but my boss came in and needed to talk to me. He wanted to make sure that I was getting proper medical attention.
"I can't. I don't have insurance."
I said that I could probably fix the problem with regular visits to a chiropractor, but that too, ain't cheap. I would need to find another doctor first as I am no longer comfortable seeing my most recent one. I don't want to risk being sued for libel, so I'll just say that I didn't like the experience. I did sometimes feel better physically, but emotionally, I was raw. A doctor should not be the cause of that in my opinion.
Anyway, a new doctor would require a consultation, x-rays, and regular visits. One visit alone can cost $50. I would probably be told to come in every other week, MINIMUM. That's at least another $100 in expenses. I can't afford that. My boss said that if I thought it would help, I should go.
"A trip to the chiropractor isn't that expensive."
"Yeah, but $50 is a lot, when I only have ten."
See?
So I ended up sitting in the nurse a little longer because I hurt my arm further when I showed that I could move both without difficulty. I actually couldn't do it, but I made it look like I could. There's a knot behind my shoulder blade and I'm making it mad.
Cue the tears. Oh, I cried. We're selling the house. I have to clean. No one can see that I am freaking out and exhausted enough to even ask how my day was before they give me a list of things to do. I'm terrified to move to Boston. What if I hate it there? What if I can't afford it? What if the jobs I am hoping to get don't pan out? Where will I go if I fail?
Throw in some residual "I miss my grandparents" and you've got a full-blown tearful freak out. While I will admit that I needed to do it. I wish I had been able to do it away from work and campers. I hate having to pull myself together because there is no other alternative.
The whole time I kept thinking "I want to go home, but I don't really know where that is anymore". I kept picturing Toronto and how wonderful a vacation will feel. I've had some conversations with Sharon, via email, and she is all for getting together with me and Laura when we are in town. Thank God. I don't know what I would do without certain people in my life.
I'm ending on a positive note. It's better that way.
19 July, 2008
16 July, 2008
Let the Countdown begin!
There is a very special day coming up in exactly one month.
Saturday 16 August, 2008
That's my 26th Birthday,
the first day if my week-long vacation to Toronto
and
the first anniversary of my giving up cigarettes.
YES! I quit smoking almost a year ago. I have quit a few times, but never was able to make it stick. But now it's different. I know that even when I feel weak and that I want to smoke, I won't enjoy it. I also can't afford it, but really it's because I know that I will get nothing out of it. Therefore, I don't bother with it.
I can't wait to get back to Toronto. This summer has been busy, hectic and tiring. I am looking forward to relaxing with Laura for a few days and not allowing myself to worry about anything. We are trying to meet up with Sharon too. For this, I am especially excited. And of course, there is the surprise I'm planning for Laura. So far, my cryptic clues have left her boggled and confused. Awesome. She will kick herself wen she realizes what it is. I am so good.
And yes, I will be spending the majority of my ACTUAL birthday in the car, driving to Toronto. That's okay though. I don't mind too much. At least the company will be good.
Anyone wanting to send any birthday greetings/gifts... gas/vacation money would be very appreciated. I know it's not very classy to ask for cash, but that's how it is. Besides, I can't be classy all of the time.
Saturday 16 August, 2008
That's my 26th Birthday,
the first day if my week-long vacation to Toronto
and
the first anniversary of my giving up cigarettes.
YES! I quit smoking almost a year ago. I have quit a few times, but never was able to make it stick. But now it's different. I know that even when I feel weak and that I want to smoke, I won't enjoy it. I also can't afford it, but really it's because I know that I will get nothing out of it. Therefore, I don't bother with it.
I can't wait to get back to Toronto. This summer has been busy, hectic and tiring. I am looking forward to relaxing with Laura for a few days and not allowing myself to worry about anything. We are trying to meet up with Sharon too. For this, I am especially excited. And of course, there is the surprise I'm planning for Laura. So far, my cryptic clues have left her boggled and confused. Awesome. She will kick herself wen she realizes what it is. I am so good.
And yes, I will be spending the majority of my ACTUAL birthday in the car, driving to Toronto. That's okay though. I don't mind too much. At least the company will be good.
Anyone wanting to send any birthday greetings/gifts... gas/vacation money would be very appreciated. I know it's not very classy to ask for cash, but that's how it is. Besides, I can't be classy all of the time.
04 July, 2008
Updates and outtakes
I haven't blogged in a while. So sorry. I have been busy, really. Anyway.
Today is July 4th. In the United States we are celebrating our freedom. We celebrate our independence. I find it HILARIOUS that I am working all day! It's okay, I get time and a half for holidays and it's rainy and cold outside anyway. So I sit here, rather uncomfortable due to fact that I can't place the laptop ON MY LAP, like I used to and the cut on my knee from ramming it into the door hinge of the kiosk when I hopped off my chair to help a customer. It could be worse. I could have taken longer to notice the fact that I knocked my coffee over and it spilled all over the desk where the phone and the computer are placed. I could be crying that the computer is totally fried. I am not.
The past few weeks have been pretty interesting. A number of things have not gone according to plan, but I am blessed, I suppose, with a keen ability to improvise. It makes life much easier when I can change plans at the drop of a hat. And I am so thankful for co-workers who possess the same skill. It helps me to stay calm when I know that I am working with capable people.
Still, after a long week filling in for the Nature Specialist who was on vacation and putting up with extremely sub-par help from one assistant who later admitted to the Camp Director that he "was trying to make [my] work harder", I was exhausted and not too happy. "At least Thursday is a day off", I kept repeating to myself on my drive home in a car that has inexplicably started to shake when I stop it.
I entered the house, put down my bag and went into the kitchen to get a drink and there it was on the kitchen table. I had been anxiously waiting for this package to arrive.
Confused? Ok, then. Steve, a friend of mine from my recent trip to Toronto, had sent me an email.
"Hey babe, just a heads up. Your package goes out today into the mail. Hope you like everything, (yes everything means that there's more then 3 items)"
He knows how much I adore Sharon, Lois and Bram. He also know that I don't have much of their stuff. I only have a few CDs and after a while, they get a bit boring. So I was quite excited to open the package and find:
an audio tape
2 CDs
a Frame for my signed LP. I can frame it now because he sent a replacement LP. He actually sent 9 LPs (EVERY one they did from 1978 - 1988).
The records he sent are in perfect condition, have the original inserts and booklets and one is even signed. Granted the inscription reads "To Hannah" but who cares? It's still an original album of "One Elephant, Deux Elephantes" that is their first album ever, just so you know. I was in heaven. I still can't believe that someone I know, but not altogether well, would spend time and money on me just so I could have a few pieces to add to my collection. He is so sweet. All he expected in return was thanks.
I can't wait to get a good stereo that plays records.
In other news, I have found and will shortly secure, a room for me and Laura in Toronto when we go on our road trip. I am SO excited. I think that everyone should go on a road trip with friends. It's a rite of passage. We are heading out early in the morning from Springfield, Mass and should arrive in Toronto by 4 pm. The place where we are staying is downtown and close to EVERYTHING! It could not be better.
Kensington Market; St. Lawrence Market; Chinatown; Little Italy and the University are all close by and most anything else is a subway ride away. One month, one week and 5 days to go. Mom is letting me use her car as mine doesn't get many miles to the gallon. I did the math. Her car got 28 miles to the gallon when it was new, so I assume that now it gets about 24 or 25 now. I should be able to get there and back on three fill-ups. That's about $200. Laura and I are splitting everything, so that isn't too bad. $100 for gasoline; $150 for a room, for a week, with parking plus some money for food (and I have scouted cheap places) and we are set.
Pretty cool, huh?
Today is July 4th. In the United States we are celebrating our freedom. We celebrate our independence. I find it HILARIOUS that I am working all day! It's okay, I get time and a half for holidays and it's rainy and cold outside anyway. So I sit here, rather uncomfortable due to fact that I can't place the laptop ON MY LAP, like I used to and the cut on my knee from ramming it into the door hinge of the kiosk when I hopped off my chair to help a customer. It could be worse. I could have taken longer to notice the fact that I knocked my coffee over and it spilled all over the desk where the phone and the computer are placed. I could be crying that the computer is totally fried. I am not.
The past few weeks have been pretty interesting. A number of things have not gone according to plan, but I am blessed, I suppose, with a keen ability to improvise. It makes life much easier when I can change plans at the drop of a hat. And I am so thankful for co-workers who possess the same skill. It helps me to stay calm when I know that I am working with capable people.
Still, after a long week filling in for the Nature Specialist who was on vacation and putting up with extremely sub-par help from one assistant who later admitted to the Camp Director that he "was trying to make [my] work harder", I was exhausted and not too happy. "At least Thursday is a day off", I kept repeating to myself on my drive home in a car that has inexplicably started to shake when I stop it.
I entered the house, put down my bag and went into the kitchen to get a drink and there it was on the kitchen table. I had been anxiously waiting for this package to arrive.
Confused? Ok, then. Steve, a friend of mine from my recent trip to Toronto, had sent me an email.
"Hey babe, just a heads up. Your package goes out today into the mail. Hope you like everything, (yes everything means that there's more then 3 items)"
He knows how much I adore Sharon, Lois and Bram. He also know that I don't have much of their stuff. I only have a few CDs and after a while, they get a bit boring. So I was quite excited to open the package and find:
an audio tape
2 CDs
a Frame for my signed LP. I can frame it now because he sent a replacement LP. He actually sent 9 LPs (EVERY one they did from 1978 - 1988).
The records he sent are in perfect condition, have the original inserts and booklets and one is even signed. Granted the inscription reads "To Hannah" but who cares? It's still an original album of "One Elephant, Deux Elephantes" that is their first album ever, just so you know. I was in heaven. I still can't believe that someone I know, but not altogether well, would spend time and money on me just so I could have a few pieces to add to my collection. He is so sweet. All he expected in return was thanks.
I can't wait to get a good stereo that plays records.
In other news, I have found and will shortly secure, a room for me and Laura in Toronto when we go on our road trip. I am SO excited. I think that everyone should go on a road trip with friends. It's a rite of passage. We are heading out early in the morning from Springfield, Mass and should arrive in Toronto by 4 pm. The place where we are staying is downtown and close to EVERYTHING! It could not be better.
Kensington Market; St. Lawrence Market; Chinatown; Little Italy and the University are all close by and most anything else is a subway ride away. One month, one week and 5 days to go. Mom is letting me use her car as mine doesn't get many miles to the gallon. I did the math. Her car got 28 miles to the gallon when it was new, so I assume that now it gets about 24 or 25 now. I should be able to get there and back on three fill-ups. That's about $200. Laura and I are splitting everything, so that isn't too bad. $100 for gasoline; $150 for a room, for a week, with parking plus some money for food (and I have scouted cheap places) and we are set.
Pretty cool, huh?
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