S'been a while

Sorry that I haven't posted recently... Ooops.

Well. I am over it. Jeff and I are done. I broke up with him this afternoon.

I've realized that I was never really interested in him. I am almost embarrassed that I made such a big deal about it in the first place. But, I'm actually glad for it all. I've learned a lot about myself in the past few weeks.

I think that really, I was so happy to see that there was someone who liked me and wanted to be with me. I know it sounds desperate and lame, but that's the way it is.

It wasn't until a few days ago that I started to see things about his personality that really bug me. He's just a little too mean sometimes. He's a little snobby and he isn't very confident. A lot of times I feel that he talking so the people around him will think he's smart. I used to do it too. Sometimes I still do. April mentioned that maybe it's because I am trying to change myself that I am so hyper-sensitive to it. It doesn't matter.

It came down to the facts. Physically, he's okay; intellectually, yeah he's smart but he's also pretentious and snobby; emotionally, I am getting nothing and I have NO interest in sleeping with him. Now, that last thing, I wasn't even THINKING about doing anytime soon, but still. If there is nothing there, there's no point in pursuing it. At all.

Looking back on it, there is a common denominator for ALL the relationships from which I walked away. I have some thinking to do about what I want. I suppose that being this age, having these troubles, is fine.

And I'm fine. Really. Today at work was the first when I didn't have to think about it. Last night, before our date (WHICH WAS TERRIBLE!) I was dreading it. I so desperately wanted to call and cancel, but I knew he wanted to talk to me, so we went out. It was simply bad. Strained, mean and cold. And the food wasn't too good either. Oh well.

Now you know. Let's move on.