I started the day just fine. I had slept well. I did some laundry. My hair did what I told it to do. Great.
I had agreed to meet a friend at a local coffee shop. I was actually quite excited about getting together and seeing where things went with this person. I am not saying that it was a date, sort of a pre-date, if you will and seeing as how I've not dated much at all, it was nice to start the process. I got there at 3, as we had agreed and I waited, waited and waited.
It was not a good time. At 3:15 I called. No answer. So I left a message. I called again at 3:45 to say that I was heading home and could be reached via email. It was a little embarrassing really. I got there and the guy at the counter asked if he could get me anything to which I responded "No. I'm actually meeting someone so I think I'll wait." Yeah. I got stood up. Sure people get busy, but really? I called. I texted. Nothing.
I came home to see an email. "Sorry, busy, can;t make it." Whatever. I don't feel like bothering to reschedule.
So I drove out to the pawn shop because, as I have said before, I am running low on funds. I had two watches and a pin to sell. I was NOT pleased when the guy behind the counter told me that it was worth nothing. He seemed to enjoy saying it. I know he was just trying to be nice. Whatever. This was after driving around for ten minutes trying to find parking near Main Street in Danbury which is a MAJOR pain in the butt. I hate going downtown alone. Actually no. I hate going downtown without a man. If I go downtown alone or with a female friend I get whistles, cat-calls and other forms of "Hey Baby. How you doing girl?" I hate it. Why is it acceptable to do that? "Men will be men" is not a good enough reason for me. Thanks. It's ok because they're men? I don't think so.
I came home and started the job hunt all over again. The interview I had on Wednesday was not what I thought it would be. The advertisement was very misleading and I am really irritated by the entire experience. I sat down at the computer and did some searches. I've taken to ignoring the classified section because the only jobs listed are ones to which I have already applied, am under/over qualified for or simply am not interested in. I know that I can't really afford to picky but I am not working in an animal hospital with my allergies and total disdain for sick, smelly animals. Yuck. No thanks.
I called four stores in five minutes. What is it with people? Does everyone close at 5pm on Fridays? NO ONE answered the phone. No one except one woman who told me that not only were they not hiring, they weren't accepting resumes. I am a little mad right now.
I just ate some tuna salad for the third time in two days. I'm not eating it because I love it so much but rather, because it is all there is to eat in the house. I'm getting tired of it. I'm actually getting tired. This does not make sense to me. I have, after all, had nothing but coffee and protein rich tuna today. I should not feel so tired, weak and shaky. Whatever. I'll pop a multi-vitamin later.
Now I have to drive to the Mall and apply at MORE retail stores. I don't want to work in the mall. I hate retail. I hate that I can't get hired to do it more. Why hire me? I'm a college-educated and experienced woman. Retailers can pay a high school student half of what I would require and deserve. Easily.
Tomorrow I drive out to the post office to mail a package I can't afford to mail and then it's off to work to make enough money that I'll break even on Monday. I can't stand it. I really can't.
I just want to be gainfully employed. Is that so much to ask? I don't even care that I'm single and hating it. I can't afford to date right now anyway, no matter how perfect the girl may be.
I should go lie down.
28 March, 2008
27 March, 2008
Just a little worried
Money is tight. Bills are due. Patti is umeployed and hating this recession.
Seriously, I need to sell my stuff. I hate it. I really do.
Seriously, I need to sell my stuff. I hate it. I really do.
24 March, 2008
Whaaaaat?
I am late posting this. I didn't think to do it until I re-read an old post about Jeff.
I saw him the other day. I had gone for a hike with Karol at Terrywile Park. While It was a beautiful and mild day and I did have a blast playing in the snow, the hike itself wasn't great. Terrywile is small and the trails get boring. There isn't much to do once you've done it once or twice. So we didn't stay out too long, maybe an hour and then we were too bored.
We decided to go to a diner close to my house. Jeff happens to work at this diner. I personally don't care. I like the place and the price and I am not about to avoid whole areas of the city for fear that I might run into him. Besides, worst case scenario, he's a jerk. For this I am prepared. I have my barbs, one-liners and eyebrow raises all set to go.
Anyway. I was actually pretty sure that he didn't work there anymore. But I was wrong. Karol and I walked in and there he was, at the host station. He was nice. It was fine. Until we sat down. I am fine with civility, even friendly banter, but seriously, there is such a thing as too much nice. Not too nice. Too MUCH nice.
He kept making conversation. He would come up to our table (he wasn't out waiter) and make conversation. He's teaching now. He's working in Brookfield. What am I doing? What did I order? Has he met Karol? Have I spoken to Bern? or Carol? or Kathy? How have I been?
I know, maybe you're reading this going "Those are normal, fairly innocuous questions. What's the big deal?" It wouldn't have been a big deal. But it was constant. He would come over exchange a sentence or two then leave. He repeated this little ritual over and over. Now it's not because he's uncomfortable with me and wasn't sure what to do. He's always done this. I went there when we were still dating with a friend and was trying to have a nice conversation with her, he kept interrupting. He would come over and just pick up where he'd left off, as if we had sat there, anxiously waiting to hear the conclusion of his story involving his recent trip to the grocery store. He does this with everyone he knows who comes into the diner.
He's not that important. I wanted to tell him so, but I didn't feel like dealing with the drama which I knew would follow. Also we hadn't gotten our food yet and I didn't want to risk something happening to it in the kitchen. Now I have been back there once since then and he wasn't working. If I go during the day, I am usually safe. But I shouldn't have to worry about it. There isn't another diner that convenient. I guess I'll have to say something if it happens again. It's a pain.
I just wanted a turkey burger.
I saw him the other day. I had gone for a hike with Karol at Terrywile Park. While It was a beautiful and mild day and I did have a blast playing in the snow, the hike itself wasn't great. Terrywile is small and the trails get boring. There isn't much to do once you've done it once or twice. So we didn't stay out too long, maybe an hour and then we were too bored.
We decided to go to a diner close to my house. Jeff happens to work at this diner. I personally don't care. I like the place and the price and I am not about to avoid whole areas of the city for fear that I might run into him. Besides, worst case scenario, he's a jerk. For this I am prepared. I have my barbs, one-liners and eyebrow raises all set to go.
Anyway. I was actually pretty sure that he didn't work there anymore. But I was wrong. Karol and I walked in and there he was, at the host station. He was nice. It was fine. Until we sat down. I am fine with civility, even friendly banter, but seriously, there is such a thing as too much nice. Not too nice. Too MUCH nice.
He kept making conversation. He would come up to our table (he wasn't out waiter) and make conversation. He's teaching now. He's working in Brookfield. What am I doing? What did I order? Has he met Karol? Have I spoken to Bern? or Carol? or Kathy? How have I been?
I know, maybe you're reading this going "Those are normal, fairly innocuous questions. What's the big deal?" It wouldn't have been a big deal. But it was constant. He would come over exchange a sentence or two then leave. He repeated this little ritual over and over. Now it's not because he's uncomfortable with me and wasn't sure what to do. He's always done this. I went there when we were still dating with a friend and was trying to have a nice conversation with her, he kept interrupting. He would come over and just pick up where he'd left off, as if we had sat there, anxiously waiting to hear the conclusion of his story involving his recent trip to the grocery store. He does this with everyone he knows who comes into the diner.
He's not that important. I wanted to tell him so, but I didn't feel like dealing with the drama which I knew would follow. Also we hadn't gotten our food yet and I didn't want to risk something happening to it in the kitchen. Now I have been back there once since then and he wasn't working. If I go during the day, I am usually safe. But I shouldn't have to worry about it. There isn't another diner that convenient. I guess I'll have to say something if it happens again. It's a pain.
I just wanted a turkey burger.
23 March, 2008
Ah.
It's Easter Sunday. Spring has sprung. I like this time of year. The time when you meet with family and friends to talk, catch up and generally be around people whom you love. My mother and I had a light supper with her family. It was her birthday too, so we planned a little surprise. It was a nice time. Even when I debated why I like Hillary and am proud to be a Democrat against just about everyone present.
But it made me think. Easter is all about rebirth. It's one of my favorite holidays for that reason. It's like another new year if you think about it. This is another chance to change. Another opportunity to grow has been given to me. I can change the things in my life that I don't like. New job. New outlook. New thought. Maybe even a new country soon enough.
I have been feeling so down lately. It's no surprise. When you're out of work and can't afford gasoline, you generally tend to stay indoors, bored and depressed, waiting for life to happen. I apply for jobs online, I send my resumes out, I make excuses to debt collectors. I see the laundry that I need to do, the dishes I should put away, the piles of mail that I should go through. I get breathless. I feel sick and completely alone. Then all of a sudden, there is family. There are friends. People planning things for me to do.
I have plans to meet Amanda on the 6th, after work when she comes out from Indiana. Once gainfully employed, there are trips to New Hampshire to see Linda and Izzy; to New York to see Tamara and Alto; and Toronto with Laura to see no one I know, but have a good time.
I am ready for these new and exciting things in my life. I am even thankful that I didn't get a part or a job with the theatre. I am just looking forward to working, gaining some stability and watching as my life starts to get better. A friend from a class in college decided recently to quit her job and write the novel that she has to share with the world. I adore her. I so admire her bravery. She made me realize that the right time isn't always right when we want it, but it does come along.
I feel refreshed somehow. I feel poised to ace that interview. I fell ready to at least get my stuff together and move on from what I had to what I want.
But it made me think. Easter is all about rebirth. It's one of my favorite holidays for that reason. It's like another new year if you think about it. This is another chance to change. Another opportunity to grow has been given to me. I can change the things in my life that I don't like. New job. New outlook. New thought. Maybe even a new country soon enough.
I have been feeling so down lately. It's no surprise. When you're out of work and can't afford gasoline, you generally tend to stay indoors, bored and depressed, waiting for life to happen. I apply for jobs online, I send my resumes out, I make excuses to debt collectors. I see the laundry that I need to do, the dishes I should put away, the piles of mail that I should go through. I get breathless. I feel sick and completely alone. Then all of a sudden, there is family. There are friends. People planning things for me to do.
I have plans to meet Amanda on the 6th, after work when she comes out from Indiana. Once gainfully employed, there are trips to New Hampshire to see Linda and Izzy; to New York to see Tamara and Alto; and Toronto with Laura to see no one I know, but have a good time.
I am ready for these new and exciting things in my life. I am even thankful that I didn't get a part or a job with the theatre. I am just looking forward to working, gaining some stability and watching as my life starts to get better. A friend from a class in college decided recently to quit her job and write the novel that she has to share with the world. I adore her. I so admire her bravery. She made me realize that the right time isn't always right when we want it, but it does come along.
I feel refreshed somehow. I feel poised to ace that interview. I fell ready to at least get my stuff together and move on from what I had to what I want.
21 March, 2008
Oh. I am so sorry
I have been running around the past few weeks and have neglected my blog duties. Oops.
I decided today that Kindermusik is not a good idea for me. First of all, I do not have the money to pay for training, let alone instruments, teacher kits, parents kits curricula etc etc etc. So I am cancelling my enrollment and sending the materials back.
I might have stayed if I were gainfully employed but, due the recession, I can't get a job that apparently can't be done better by a teenager who is willing to work for minimum wage. Frankly, I don't want to work were there are jobs, isn't that sad? I just can't sell children's clothes at Gymboree or overpriced, tested-on-animals, corporate psychos Bath and Body Works. I worked for BBW for a year and a half. In that time, I never got a raise, a promotion (though one was offered, dangled and then given to someone I trained) or even so much as a "good idea".
I applied at a local privately owned book store and was crushed when I realized that I'd be lucky to get 12 hours a week if I get hired. Sure, maybe as a supplement, but they close at 6, so what am I supplementing? The birthday party assistant gig is going well. I show up, paint some faces, set the table, work the music, clear and clean the table and after an hour and a half, I've made 30 bucks. Not bad. It's just enough to let me break even.
I have an interview next Wednesday for a position helping people with disabilities and women just out of of abusive relationships to find jobs. I think it sounds pretty interesting and rewarding. I would be about to work in Danbury which is fantastic, because I hate driving all over the state. I hate driving in general. What's extra nice is the fact that I would work during the day, so the nights are free for hanging out and doing theatre. I had an audition last Tuesday for Cabaret and I am waiting to hear whether or not I'm in. If not, I'm offering my services as Stage Manager (a paid position). If i get accepted to grad school, where I am still "under review" this would be my last show at the theatre for a while, maybe for good. I really want to be involved. I like stage managing too, so it won't be horrible.
I think that's it.
I decided today that Kindermusik is not a good idea for me. First of all, I do not have the money to pay for training, let alone instruments, teacher kits, parents kits curricula etc etc etc. So I am cancelling my enrollment and sending the materials back.
I might have stayed if I were gainfully employed but, due the recession, I can't get a job that apparently can't be done better by a teenager who is willing to work for minimum wage. Frankly, I don't want to work were there are jobs, isn't that sad? I just can't sell children's clothes at Gymboree or overpriced, tested-on-animals, corporate psychos Bath and Body Works. I worked for BBW for a year and a half. In that time, I never got a raise, a promotion (though one was offered, dangled and then given to someone I trained) or even so much as a "good idea".
I applied at a local privately owned book store and was crushed when I realized that I'd be lucky to get 12 hours a week if I get hired. Sure, maybe as a supplement, but they close at 6, so what am I supplementing? The birthday party assistant gig is going well. I show up, paint some faces, set the table, work the music, clear and clean the table and after an hour and a half, I've made 30 bucks. Not bad. It's just enough to let me break even.
I have an interview next Wednesday for a position helping people with disabilities and women just out of of abusive relationships to find jobs. I think it sounds pretty interesting and rewarding. I would be about to work in Danbury which is fantastic, because I hate driving all over the state. I hate driving in general. What's extra nice is the fact that I would work during the day, so the nights are free for hanging out and doing theatre. I had an audition last Tuesday for Cabaret and I am waiting to hear whether or not I'm in. If not, I'm offering my services as Stage Manager (a paid position). If i get accepted to grad school, where I am still "under review" this would be my last show at the theatre for a while, maybe for good. I really want to be involved. I like stage managing too, so it won't be horrible.
I think that's it.
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