Hello oxygen

It's so nice to be able to breathe. I take it for granted. I shouldn't do that. Maybe if I were more appreciative of the fact that I can breathe, I wouldn't get sick as often as I do. It's worth a shot.

Yesterday was... a day. I spent the better part of an hour on the phone with the credit card company that sent my account to a collections agency and then proceeded to take my money anyway. That's not allowed, it goes against the contract they have with the collections people. But try getting them to admit they made a mistake. Yeah, right.

Anyway, because they took money from me. I lowered my next payment to them. I know that I am only really hurting myself here, but it is the principle of the matter. I have set up payments with an agency through December. I don't like that. It's not that I can't pay the bills, I can. But it makes me uncomfortable to have the rest of the year planned out like that. God forbid the bad economy catches up to me and I lose my retail job. I'm good at what I do, sure. But am I good enough to be the one they keep?

But a ray of hope there still may be in this.

James, the very nice man at the collections department, said he would try to help me out. A co-worker of his used to work for the card company in question and suggested a possible fix. It would require several hundred dollars from me in June, July and August; but I would be done after that. No more bills. No more calls. No more serious debt. I would only have some minor stuff that I could actually get rid of relatively easily. Of course, there would still be the student loan debt, but that stuff doesn't look nearly as bad on your credit.

I know that the card company might say "no" to the new payment agreement. I know that I might have to keep my payments scheduled until heaven knows when, but I have hope that James will help me. It's nice to know that there is someone who may have some influence on my side.

So, last night I slept soundly, breathing deeply, through my nose. I am starting to feel a hell of a lot better.

And now I'm sick

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Shut up Karol. While in Toronto, I started to feel ANOTHER cold sore coming on. I get them WAY too often. I have had one for the majority of the past seven months. I should call my dentist. I would, if I had any money to dispose of on frivolous things such as health care. I have tried everything I can think of to fix this problem but to no avail. I am hoping that upping my Vitamin C intake will help the matter, but I have learned not to be too hopeful.

When I came back from Toronto I immediately got a little hay fever. Now, initially I thought nothing of it. A lot of pollen was released into the air while I was away and I was reacting to a level that was higher than when I left. Ok. It made sense to me. But now I'm worse, not better, worse.

It feels different than hay fever now. Yes, I am a little stuffy and I can't stop coughing to save my life. But there aren't many aches and pains that usually come along with those symptoms. I feel tired, but I'm sure that's because I'm winded form not being able to breathe. As an uninsured person, I am terrified that it's serious. I really hope it's not Walking Pneumonia, but it is possible.

I am reassured by the fact that the coughing is at least somewhat helpful in the attempt to clear out my lungs. I am sure that nine years of intermittent smoking did NOT help me. It's quite possible that I'm clearing some of that junk now too. I hope so, but eww just that same. I am also somewhat relieved by the fact that I sneezed today. Usually that's a signal that whatever I have is going away.

Seriously though, I am lightheaded from all the coughing. And I've pulled several major muscles. I wish I could get abs of steel from this, but no. I will have to do actual work for those.

Annie was sick

For those of you who don't know, Annie is my 1997 Cherry Red Dodge Neon. Last year she started overheating on a more and more regular basis, but EVERY SINGLE TIME I brought her to the mechanic, he could not get her to overheat. He could find nothing wrong. Everything I thought of as a potential fix, he said he'd do, for a very high price. I have been fighting going back into the red for a while now. Bills with obnoxious collection agencies come first. Sorry Annie. But I needed some work done on my car, and I had no idea what needed fixing. It was a source of major aggravation and stress.

I can handle a lot of stress. I can handle the chaos that is working retail or worse, a portrait studio, during the holiday rush. I can handle having several jobs and deadlines all at once. My multi-tasking skills are the envy of all who see them. I can handle getting lost, because I have enough sense to which way is north at all times and be able to retrace my steps. I don't like to, but I can even handle a group of unhappy three-year-olds who all want to play with the same puzzle. But money stress, I cannot handle. It follows me around and invades EVERY thought I have. I have been lucky enough to be blessed with family who help me when they can, sometimes when they can't. I am SO close to getting rid of my one remaining credit card and starting the work that is improving my credit. But I literally thought there was no hope for me in the car department. I'd never be able to afford to fix her (I thought I was looking at $1000 to rebuild the transmission) and replacing her? Doubtful.

Yesterday I was quoted $124 by a car service company to have my thermostat replaced. I thought that price was a little ridiculous, borderline disgusting actually. So I called a semi-retired mechanic friend of the family. He said "$124 for a thermostat? No. That's far too high." So why then, am I praising the man who charged me $190? Here's a list of what this awesome dude did for me.

*transmission fluid flush
*Replaced thermostat
*Oil Change
*New Air Filter...

Does it make sense now? I thought it would. And Annie? She now gets more than 8 miles to the gallon. You think I'm exaggerating. I'm not. The stress is gone. Now it's just a credit card and some other incidental bills. Normal, everyone has that kind of stuff, debt. This is a hole I can dig myself out of. I can do it relatively quickly and easily. I feel so good right now.

Finally

Ever since I was a little girl, I have longed for home. I wanted to be where I belonged, where I fit; with people who understood me. The only problem, I had NO idea where home actually was. I knew it wasn't Danbury. It was too small, too cramped, too a lot of things to be where I wanted to settle. I have always felt uneasy here. All the mistakes from which I have learned but can't seem to live down, are here. All the people who "knew me when" and are convinced I haven't changed, are here. All the things I have seen, heard and felt with unease for so many years and now long to move past, are here.

I was sure that I had found a home in Manhattan before I even moved there. It was the city for me, I knew it. I moved there. I liked it. But it wasn't home. I understood it. I respected it. But it was too loud, too mean, too busy to care. I didn't like the person I was there.

Exactly a week ago, I lay in bed, still excited from the wonderful day I had but dreading the long drive home in the morning. I whispered back and forth with Laura of how much I wished I could stay and she kept agreeing. I have spent the days since I returned to Danbury aching for that place. I have been wistful and oddly homesick ever since I got back to the house in which I grew up. This was a city that was clean, friendly and somehow familiar. This was a city where I felt welcome and appreciated. This was a city where I knew I could make a mistake and move on from it. I am now positive that come December, I will apply to Graduate School again. I will more seriously search for jobs that allow international applicants. I will do whatever it is I have to in order to get home.

I need to go home. I need to go to Toronto.

Mmmmm... Pie.

While up in Toronto, Kris told Lois that she inspired him to go to the Culinary Institute of America and become a Pastry Chef. She was so proud. We all were. But it got me to thinking. You know, I haven't made a pie in months. MONTHS! I got hooked on it last year. That's another positive that came out of the often mostly negative experience of dating. If you recall, I made my first pie for Jeff's parents when I met them. Remember? I was the Happy Homemaker for a day.

So I think I will hit the grocery store on the way home from work today and make a pie. Apple Berry Pie. So good. Mixed Berries and Crisp Granny Smith Apples with just a dash of cinnamon. Yum.

Maybe I'll carve an elephant on the top. You know, for Lois.

Skinnamarink!

That's the only word that properly describes how I feel.

As I am sure you are all aware, I went up to Toronto for the weekend. I LOVED IT! I had such a fantastic time. I am officially in love with this city and I cannot WAIT to move there. I left early Saturday morning and returned Monday night. I am still in shock about some parts of it. I went up to see Sharon, Lois and Bram. Yes, you read right. Yes, the people that sing Skinnamarink on the Elephant Show when I was a kid. I love them. They have had such a profound impact on my life. They never failed to put a smile on my face. So when an opportunity came to go to a city I’ve wanted to see for years and meet Sharon, Lois and Bram, I took it.

I went up with some friends; one in particular, Laura. She is amazing. We met a few months ago through a yahoo group and we hit it off right away. Until Saturday morning, we had never actually met in person, but to hear us talk with each other and see us together, you’d never know it. Anyway, she met Sharon, Lois and Bram about nine years ago and has been friendly with them ever since. So there was the possibility of meeting and talking with them! Added bonus, anyone? I was too excited for words.

The trip didn’t start out great, but I won’t talk about it, because the rest of the weekend was so spectacular that the bad stuff doesn’t matter.

On Saturday night, Laura and I decided to go for a walk around town for a little bit. It had rained all day and finally cleared up around 7 or so. We ended up getting dessert at a great place called RichTree. It’s truly amazing stuff. If you’re ever in Toronto, go. It’s great. The whole group went for dinner there Sunday night and had a blast. After our walk (and banana caramel crepe, yum) we went back to the hotel and met up with some other members of our group; Zach, Steve, Kris and Paul. I have NEVER laughed so hard in my entire life. We watched old Elephant Show episodes and looked and pictures. It was such a fun time.

Sunday morning came and I was really nervous. Steve had made cards for us to sign for the trio. I signed Bram's, no problem. I signed Lois', again, I did not have any difficulty. But when I picked up Sharon's, I was stuck. "How do I do this?" I eventually scribbled something down, hoping that it properly said what I meant and quickly got dressed. We met up with the guys and all walked to the theatre. It was farther than I thought it would be, but the subways hadn’t opened yet and none of us wanted to wait. It’s good that we didn’t. About 20 minutes after we got to the theatre and got on line, Bram walked up. He was so friendly, like I always knew he would be. He talked to us for a few minutes, gave us each a hug and went inside.

There was a photographer there taking pictures of the crowd and she asked us to pose for a few shots. We happily obliged. Then she asked for action shots. "Sing something." Ok. When the theatre doors opened, we were asked to sing on our way in. Again, we did so happily. When we walked in to the theatre, my heart stopped. There, in the front of the theatre, was Sharon. She was always my favorite. She was everything I wanted to be. She was everything I needed when I was a kid. Laura ran up to say hello and then she introduced us. She seemed happy to meet me, big smile. But then I handed her a card she sent me in January thanking me for the donation I made to Willow. She looked at it and her whole face softened.

“I remember you. That was so sweet.”

I don’t really know WHAT came over me but I timidly said “Sharon, can I have a hug?” I got an answer of “Of course you can!” and I swear to God, I have never been so happy. I thanked her and told her that it was very much worth the 20 year wait. Sharon had to move on to some other people in the audience so I went and sat down for a minute. I sat next to Steve and Paul.

"Patti, how you doing? Do you want a hug?"
"I would love another hug Steve... I got a hug from Sharon." I found Laura and had my tiny little momentary cry. I have never been so happy.

Then I met Lois. We talked for a few minutes...

“Lois, I was wondering…”
“Yeah?”
“Those costumes.”
“Oh. (eye roll) Which ones?”
“1978 to 1995.”

“Well you see. There are ‘professionals’. We were told that it was great and everyone knew what they were doing, but they really weren’t all that great if you ask me.”
“But Lois, YOU always looked good. But Sharon… I mean she had two different colored pant legs, shoes… She had pants with feathers! What was that?”
“Well, you see, I always knew that I wasn’t gonna do that. Sharon, you tell her to wear something, she wears it. It wasn’t until later that she thought, ‘Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have done that.’ But there was a woman who designed some of our stuff. She had experience so what could we do?”

She went on to say how ridiculous one dress was, in particular.

"If you remember, Sharon had that weird, blue, dropped-waist dress which was nothing compared to mine. I had that hot pink thing. What was that? I mean, it was backless!"

I thought it was so funny, I hated that one too.

Then came my chance to ask my important question.

"Lois, do you think that the children's entertainment industry can survive the marketing executives and business people? Or do you think it's going to become more Doodlebops?" (Don't ask, they are terrible.)

"Don't say that word to me. Ugh. Them and the Wiggles. I can't stand the Wiggles."

I agreed. They creep me out a little bit.
I mentioned that Laura and I were going to release a children's album. "We're going to do what we like, what we think sounds good and if people with business degrees don't like it, tough. We're going to call it 'Patti and Laura. Deal!" She found this very funny. She went on to say that we "know what good music sounds like. It's not the stuff that's on now."

Cool. Lois and I were having a conversation, agreeing. It only got better when she said:

"Oh. And Hannah Montana. Ah."

The entire group groaned.

Eventually the show got under way. Sharon, Lois and Bram sang some songs, then there was the film presentation and then more songs. I had such a blast. I was so glad to be there. I hadn't participated when I was little. It was so wonderful to make things right.

After the concert we all went outside. I got the trio to sign the LP my Dad bought for me when he took me to a concert for my eighth birthday. Then we all took a big, group picture. Actually, we took several big, group pictures. Everyone had a camera. Sharon jokingly described the experience as "endless". Lois showed pictures of her new granddaughter, Tessa. She is seven months old and beautiful. I don't say that about all babies. Trust me. I've worked at a portrait studio, ugly babies exist. Seriously they do.

Sharon had an interview but agreed to meet with me and Laura after she was done. "Why don't we meet at Starbucks between 1:30 and 1:45?" Awesome. Before I knew it, there she was, walking across the street to our table. She sat down and we talked for a while. We talked about everything. Music, work, Toronto and both Laura and my plans to move there. It was lovely to see that Sharon understood how much it hurts Laura and me when people say "Oh, you want to do children's music? That's nice. But what are going to really do?" As if what we love isn't legit.

The entire conversation was great, maybe except for the story about her recent trip to Africa watching an animal sacrifice. "They just hold the animal by the neck and a friend checked with her chiropractor and he said that it's just like going to sleep." She has a really soft, sweet voice so you can only imagine how funny and freaky it was to hear her say it. I was a little scared actually. Sharon is a big fan of direct eye contact. She doesn't waver. Why she chose me to keep eye contact with during that exchange, I don't really know.

Eventually Sharon had to run to meet her sister and so we got up to say goodbye. She hugged Laura and then me and I thanked her for being my Pete Seeger (she has several times called him her hero). But she didn't hear me.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"
This time, I was able to say it to her face not over her shoulder. "I said 'Thank you for being my Pete Seeger'" Now for the second time that day, she softened.
"Oh. You could not have said anything better than that." I had worked on it for a while.

We parted company and Laura and I commenced the giggle fest. I could not say enough how amazing I felt. We decided to walk just to see what there was to see. I found a little street corner shop and walked up to explore. The night before I had mentioned to Laura that I really wanted to find a pair of elephant stud earrings. I was shocked when there they were at the shop.

"Oh my gosh! My earrings! Look Laura, elephant earrings." Laura made the joke "Everything you've wanted has happened. You wanted a hug; to meet with Sharon and to find earrings. You need to say you want a billion dollars." I tried it. It didn't work. Laura bought a pair for herself and I got a pair for me and one for Sharon. I figured I would mail them to her. Laura was standing with her back to the street, making sure my elephants were straight when Sharon walked passed us and laughed. Us again? I saw her and squealed. "OH! We bought you earrings." She walked over, saw them, pulled out her earrings and put the new ones in. She said goodbye again and then Laura and I went for lunch.

The rest of the day is a blur. We went to a park, had dinner, stayed up late in the lobby talking about the decision to ACTUALLY record a record with Paul.

Monday morning came and we somewhat sadly packed the car and started the drive back home. When Laura and I parted in Springfield, my heart sank a little bit. It was over. But we're planning on going up in October to see them again. This time we'll get a picture with Sharon.

I must remember to email her: "Wear your elephant earrings."

End of novel.

We are actually doing this

I met Laura on Saturday. She is wonderful. After a ten hour drive, we finally met Paul. We all got along really well. On Sunday Paul mentioned to me that he knew Laura and I wanted to record a children's album. Then he said "I'm in. I'd love to join up. We could be Patti, Laura and Paul". All of a sudden it changed from a casual thing that Laura and I were thinking about doing a little down the line to a real thing. We're already putting together songs lists and researching recording studios.

It is too surreal. It will hopefully come together within a year. It will be hard as I am in CT, Laura is in Boston and Paul is based in Miami. But we will figure it out. We can always rehearse on our own or something to that effect. We all have experince singing harmonies so we won't be thrown off when we meet up.

Don't read anything in to this. I don't want or need fame and fortune. This is NOT, is any way, a desperate attempt to get famous and break in to the business. I've heard a lot of people talk about children's entertainment as "the easiest way to get in" and "something to do until something legit comes along". Both those statements hurt me. This is what I want to do. I have searched for years to find this answer. I wanted to act, but that wasn't right. I wanted to teach, but that wasn't right. I didn't start to see the two meshing until recently and I've been so relieved that there IS something I can do. There is something that makes me happy. If it pays, that's great. But I am not doing it for money. I am doing it, because it is all that makes sense.

Mea Culpa

You know it's funny, the last two messages I've gotten from my sister have been "Hey, dork, way to leave stuff out of the story!" I paraphrase.

Anyway, it seems that I neglected to fill people in on the current work situation. Sorry, I forget who I've told. I work at Rosetta Stone. It's a kiosk in the Danbury Fair Mall. It's a fun job. I mean it can be REALLY boring, but for the most part it's fun.

They are the "fastest way to learn a language. Guaranteed." I feel really good about the product I sell. I feel that it is a necessary thing to learn about other people. Culture, language etc, are all important things. We should not be so selfish and ignorant to only know about ourselves. Isn't it through accepting and celebrating differences that we become better people? I think so.

What's even better is the fact the as long as I am employed with the company I can learn ANY of the languages they offer, FREE. Pretty sweet if you ask me.

So. Now you know.

Inspiration through Irritation

I am no stranger to the world of customer complaints. When you’ve worked in retail as long as I have, you hear a lot of them.

“This is too expensive.”
“Why are you pestering me?”
“What do you mean I can’t return this item? I only wore it 10 times!”

I’ve even been told by one rather irritated customer at a portrait studio that she hoped my Christmas was “crappy.” There are more, but I won’t bore you even though some are really funny.

I always try to remain calm in these situations. After all, I still want to make the sale. I still want the customer to buy… and then leave. I do my best to explain the situation and meet the customers’ needs. But sometimes I have no idea what to do.

Today I got an interesting complaint from a passing couple. They walked up to me and without even a hello began to berate me with angry questions masked by feigned civility.

“That picture on your display. That is a South African woman. Why do you have her picture there?”

I explained that I did not really know why that specific picture was chosen for a display. I went on to say “I’m not in charge of Marketing.”

“Why would you show that picture if you don’t offer the language? Do you offer the language?”

I found it a little funny that they didn’t even know if their complaint was reasonable before they stated it. I decided, however, to keep that information to myself.

“Right now, the only African language we offer is Swahili.”

“So why do you have that picture?”

“Again, I really don’t know. I am not in charge of Marketing for the company.”

To be honest, I had no idea what the actual complaint was. Why was it so terrible that there was a picture of a South African woman on our sign? Frankly, it is beyond me. Maybe I’m lucky. I was raised in a family, ne a society that not only taught me to look past physical appearance, but also would not allow me or any of my peers to pass judgment based solely upon it.

I was unaware of the pictured woman’s specific heritage. I just thought she was a pretty woman with a big, beautiful smile wearing some of the most intricately beaded jewelry I have ever seen. To tell you the truth, I am a little envious of the woman. My crooked teeth don’t allow for huge, perfect smiles and I could never pull off her look. I would look foolish, number one; and people would more than likely accuse me of making fun of someone rather than embracing their culture. But I digress.

I called the Product Information number. I call it a lot. I am full of questions. Eventually I was transferred to a woman who explained it perfectly. I tried to capture her words to the best of my ability.

We are a company built on celebrating the global tapestry. We specifically don’t look for stereotypes on our signage because we would end up offending someone. Besides it’s not about who speaks the language natively. It’s about who can learn the language. We are about connecting the world through language. We want to make it so people can understand each other and learn to communicate. Yes, we are all different. We embrace that. We celebrate that. It’s imperative that we understand others. We are always encouraging everyone to do so.

Now that is beautiful.

I doubt that you will have to field this complaint. I am sure that this is a one-time random thing. But I wanted to share it anyway if only for the message, the quasi mission statement. Hearing it strengthened my belief in this product, this company; myself.

Still though, I think the whole thing is pretty funny.